AGT Finals

A quick recap of the finals since I've already spent too much time on watching this stupid show, I don't want to spend too much more time on it.

• Voices of Glory: They sang in front of a horrible musical arrangement of the Greatest Love of All but they themselves did well, although it was a bit low for the singers. The harmonies were done well and the lead kid was fairly strong but you can hear she is still a kid. One of the better performances of the night.
• Hairo Torres: Pretty good performance but a bit uneven and manic in places. Also was a little heavy on the overacting. There were some impressive dance moves but others look like they went wrong.
• Lawrence Beaman: He ended up doing Barry White (I'm sure the producers pushed him into that one) and does a decent imitation. But of course it comes off as a knock off. Should have tried something a bit more original.
• Barbara Padilla: She sang O Mio Bambino Caro. It was better than he Ave Maria last week. I've heard better versions of the song but it still was very good. It was a strong performance that should win the title.
• Fab Five: They didn't belong in the finals and even though their performance was good for them it doesn't hold a candle to most of the others. All the girls are decent tappers but are very limited in their range. No chance.
• The Texas Tenors: It totally seemed like a parody with the ridiculous sets, even more ridiculous suits (and cowboy hats), and melodramatic singing. They easily could be an SNL skit with little change. Their voices don't blend very well at all. The cheese from the whole performance had my lactose intolerance acting up.
• Drew Stevyns: He butchers another classic song though not quite as badly as last week. He looks scared on stage and doesn't have the pipes to carry the song. Every performance of his is bland and forgettable.
• Grandma Lee: She is a nice lady, but ignoring the kids/elderly/pets effect of the show, she doesn't stand a chance. She is funny but a lot of the punchlines can be seen coming from a long way off. It is inspirational to see someone chasing their dream regardless of their age though but not enough for her to get the votes to win.
• Kevin Skinner: I liked him a lot but this was his worst performance. He was best when he sang small emotional songs. He was overpowered by the band accompanying him and this performance lacked the pathos of earlier ones. He doesn't have the voice to carry that song off and was all over the place. He should have went with a song similar to his audition piece.
• Recycled Percussion: Another group that doesn't belong in the final and just did the same old thing they've done but they added water... wow, that is so original. No chance.
  

Obviously the judges were ordered to praise all the groups regardless of their performance because it is the finals and the show would look stupid if bad acts made the finals. It was obvious and pathetic because a number of the acts deserved some bringing down.

Barbara Padilla should win and she will. No one was near her level. If anyone else wins it Kanye better get his ass on stage and tell everyone that Barbara had the best performance ever.

Back with Talent

I haven't written in a while, but I break my silence now. For what deep and meaningful calling has brought me back-- why America's Got Talent of course.

It gets worse and worse every year yet I continue to watch and hate every minute of it. Apparently the Bush years did more damage to country than I thought because we are pretty much devoid of talent (or at least in the thousands and thousands of people that made it onto this show).

Tonight was the first semifinal and it was ugly.

• Recycled Percussion: The judges keep calling them original but are a low budget rip off of Stomp et al. Three guys bang on various stuff and sadly most of the time they were drum sets and not seemingly recycled in any way. Sure, they have energy but that is about it.
• Lawrence Beaman: Very good singer and soulful but hammed it up a bit tonight. Still one of the best of the night. Wants to do a gospel version of the Lord's Prayer-- Theology aside it could actually be good*.
  
• Erik and Rickie: Two kid ballroom dancers. They are definitely good for their age but really not that good overall. Weirdly, they danced ballroom to Michael Jackson's Black or White. Piers called them on it as he should have because it was blatant pandering to the audience which the AGT performers do better than anyone (not sure if it is the acts or the producers of the shows but it is most likely the latter). They never should have made it past the first round but the judges thought they were cute and great**.
• Jeffrey Ou: He is a pianist and played the last minute or two of Liszt's Hungarian Rhapsody No 6, or at least that is what he said. Piers rightfully called him to task and asked him if he hit a note right. He claims they were all right. I assure you they were not-- even without the missed notes (or which there were a great many) the performance was muddy and cheesy (they hooked the lights to the piano so he could control them-- good choice producers, not only was the playing bad but you gave people seizures). It was very bad, made even more so after I listened to a good recording of the piece.
• Hairo Torres: A dancer with a pretty unique style. Damn flexible and does some interesting moves. One of the better performances of the night, although that by itself isn't saying much. He should move on.
• The EriAm Sisters: Like most of the acts on this show, they are decent and could perform admirably in many a state fair and the like. Rough, rough beginning on the song thought they did get better and by the end were good. Even at their best there is trouble on the harmonies. The youngest sister is by far the best and could be very good in a few years. They sing a schlocky inspirational song (probably chosen by the producers) and that should inspire the people to vote.
• Mario and Jenny: WTF? Wall juggling, tap dancing, drumming, pole dancing, jump roping, balancing a fire drum on his chin. Most of it done middling at best. All the while in weird S&M outfits. How about you pick one talent and get good at it rather than being unentertaining in a myriad ways. Awful.
• Drew Stevyns: Absolutely butchers the Wham! song Careless Whispers. He "makes it his own" (god, I hate that phrases) by dropping it about an octave and makes it edgy. He didn't exactly sing in the same key he ways playing. Go be emo somewhere else.
• The Footwork Kings: They battled it out with Mario and Jenny for worst of the night, but unfortunately couldn't win that battle either. Ridiculous premise-- Power Rangers-- combined with cheesy battle scenes and the same footwork moves they have done every time. I've never been a fan and tonight they embarrassed themselves although I don't think they hit the career suicide levels that Piers claims.
• Barbara Padilla: She sings Bach/Gounod's Ave Maria and does it well. She has some trouble on the lower notes and the high notes are a bit shrill. She also uses super vibrato which irritates me to no end (and makes her tongue dance around her mouth like it is a fish out of water). Yes, she has a great story and she is a very good singer but I am pretty sure all the judges were orgasming during the performance. The producers are really trying to sell her. God was called into play, people were bowing, and talk of a superstar born. She deserves to move on to the finals as the best of the night but the idol worship going on here is nauseating.

* - Note to future contestants: if you want to advance in this competition and don't have the requisite talent (or even if you do) sing really cheesy patriotic or inspirational/god worshiping songs.
** - Additional note to future contestants: if you want to advance in this competition and don't have the requisite talent (or even if you do) either be a kid, an old person, or an animal. Just like it used to be on America's Funniest Home Videos.

Heroes, Villains, and Vampires

Let's start off with the bad of TV season, Heroes. The show used to be good. The first season was an original series that was dense plot wise but interesting to watch. The ending of the first season was a bit anticlimactic but it was somewhat satisfying. The second season devolved a bit-- it became repetitive and used the same characters to do what they've always done. And now the third season, they fell into a vat of crap.

In a show that is all about the battle between good and evil, very little of note actually happens. It is the only war in which no one ever dies. Even if you think they are dead, they aren't dead. Even if you see them killed, they aren't dead. It'd probably be easier to count the characters on the show that haven't been dead at one point or another (in the present or the various futures they've had) than count the ones who haven't died.

The show has jumped the shark (and this shark has the ability to shoot laser beams out of its head). Problem with the same old villains? We'll just switch the heroes and the villains instead of actually killing some characters off and think of new and exciting ones. Hard to deal with the fact that Peter should be invincible? We'll just take his powers away so he is weak and we can go through season 1 again where Peter gathers his powers (I guess the logic here being we should just relive the good season of the show). Hiro can time-travel and should be able to go anywhere in time and fix anything that pops up? We'll just make him so ridiculously stupid that ever time he tries to go through time and fix things he screws up and then decides to stop messing with time. It just goes on and on: Claire is indestructible but no one lets her do anything (and give her useless people to protect her). Ali Larter must have had a three year contract because even though her character died she had an identical twin (God forbid we get a new actress to play the part, and because it is the same actress we have to go through and explain why she looks exactly the same as another of the heroes... can you say needless exposition?)

There are so many characters running around that just seem pointless to the main plot (and I use the term plot loosely as so little has happened over the course of three seasons). If only the villains would man up and start taking some of them out things might get streamlined enough to get interesting again.

I used to look forward to watching this but it has just gotten so bad recently that the DVR has no room for it any more.

(As an aside, there was a nice goof in the last episode: When Hiro froze time in the first episode with the Daphne (the super speed girl), she lost her super speed but could still move at a normal pace. Last episode, he freezes time to go in the past and replace his sword and get fake blood to "kill" with Ando and this time Daphne is completely frozen. Consistency-- let's get some.)

Now to the good, True Blood. To be honest, I nearly gave up on this show a few minutes into it but I am glad I didn't (and not just because Anna Paquin gets naked). It is an atmospheric and campy vampire tale (while those don't sound like they'd go together, they do).

The show gives their version of the vampire mythology, straying here and their from the basics but not so much as to be distracting. In the show, the vampires have 'come out' after a synthetic blood, marketed as True Blood, was developed to allow the vampires to survive without feeding off of humans. Some vampires, like the main protagonist Bill Compton, tries to rejoin society. He meets a woman, Sookie, who can read people's thoughts and there is an attraction right away.

The show is set in the deep south, so you have the obvious racial parallels as the vampires are discriminated against by the humans. Are they justified in doing so? The vampires have fed off them in the past-- will they live peacefully on the new blood or will they keep to their old ways. In addition, there is plenty of sex and drug issues as well... not that any of this is surprising as the show is on HBO (if you are going to be on pay cable you might as well get everything in the show they won't let on the other networks, otherwise it is just a waste of time)

I don't want to give any major plot points away, but if you have HBO and you haven't given it a try, you should.

Emmy fun

Personally, I actually enjoyed the Emmys more than usual (which isn't saying too much and some of that enjoyment may have come from the fact I was watching in on my DVR and had more control than usual). Everyone else is talking about how it was the most awful thing ever broadcast on TV. The hosts were pretty bad overall but individually Jeff Propst and Howie Mandel were pretty good, Ryan was serviceable, but Heidi Klum and Tom Bergeron were awful. None of that is shocking at all.

The medley sang by Josh Groban was inexplicably bad, but it was interesting in the same way that you must look at a car accident on the highway as you drive past. The Laugh-In reunion was probably the most embarrassed I've ever been for people on TV. Young people who have never seen the show before will think their parents are insane for ever watching the show because it was that bad. Someone should have mentioned the fact that it was horrible and they could save 7 minutes by not doing that and everyone would be much happier.

The only amusing parts of the night were, not surprisingly, the unscripted parts (and by that I mean the parts not written by the writers at the Emmys, not that they weren't written at all). Don Rickles was funny and old enough that he didn't really care about the crap written for him and went off on his own tangents.

As for the awards, I am very happy that 30 Rock took home a bunch of awards (especially that Alec Baldwin took the best actor in a comedy). I would have liked Hugh Laurie to win best actor in a drama but I always liked Bryan Cranston in Malcom in the Middle so I don't feel too bad. The only awards I was annoyed about were two supporting actor awards. Neil Patrick Harris should have won for best supporting actor in a comedy but instead Jeremy Piven won again (proving once again that once you win an Emmy for a specific character you can keep winning indefinitely as long as you change nothing and keep doing exactly the same thing). Tom Wilkinson won best supporting actor in a miniseries for his portrayal of Ben Franklin in "John Adams" but that was a pretty bad choice-- right miniseries but wrong actor. Stephen Dillane, playing Thomas Jefferson, was the best part of that miniseries by a long shot (yes, better than Paul Giamatti and Laura Linney) and definitely deserved it. That was the only award of the night I cursed when the winner was announced, which was an improvement over most years.

Overall, as far as awards shows go, it was pretty good. I learned always to watch it off the DVR and not live though.

P.S. I hear Ricky Gervais is being pursued as the host of the Oscars. I approve of that choice. he had the only funny bit on the Emmy broadcast and is a damn funny man.

P.P.S. Why does every awards show run long? Do they not rehearse? They always seem surprised when half way through the show they are a half an hour late and have to start cutting bits. Here is some advice: after you write all those god-awful banter bits, and horrible medleys, and embarrassing "reunion" pieces take them all and do a run through of the show, and here is the important part, while timing it. Then compare how long it ran against how much time you have and make edits accordingly. They don't seem to do this ever...

And yet somehow the directors of awards shows on TV keep getting Emmys. If your show ran long you didn't do a good job as a director so you don't deserve the award.

America's Got Even More Crap

I just watched the first semi-final of America's Got Talent (I don't know why... it was on my DVR so I figured I should). While watching it three words came to mind: awful, awful, awful. From start to finish.

The judges loved them all though, but that just goes to show how smart they are. Of course, I'll let them speak for themselves. David Hasselhoff had the gem of the night with this line: "You're as American as the Olympics". Brilliant David (surprisingly the Olympics and AGT happen to be on the same station... I'm shocked they didn't start selling the Michael Phelps DVD although he did get a mention later on the show).

Piers came in close second when telling Neal E. Boyd, the opera singer (who can't tell the difference between show tunes and opera), that "only in America" could someone who works in a job like an insurance salesman come into a talent show and sing like him. Piers forgets Britain's Got Talent (on which he is also a judge) where Paul Potts, a phone salesman, not only came in and sang better but won the whole competition. Maybe he meant that only in America someone can sing a show tune in an operatic style and in the process make both sound stupid.

They need to change the title to "America's Got a Modicum of Talent But Is Nearly All Crap" (or AGAMOTBINAC for short).

Last Last Comic Standing

The summer reality shows are winding down and that means the scripted part of the TV year (i.e. the good part of the TV year) is starting up again soon. That and the hockey and football season... good times.

Last Comic Standing had their last performance show this past week. It was thankfully much better than last year's show, both the comedians and the filler. We only got two acts other than the comedians: a painfully unfunny intro song from The Dan Band and a thankfully brief stand-up from host Bill Bellamy.

The show instead filled time this year by having all the comedians from last week perform and only tell them afterward whether they were in the top 5 (they also did little profiles of each comedian before their set but since I DVRed the show I was able to skip right over those. I don't want to bias my opinion with their back stories). It is rather harsh for those who didn't make it but at least they get to perform one more time in front of millions (and try to prove America wrong after the fact).

The contestants got a gift from the producers and got their sets extended to 5 minutes (or the equivalent of what a neophyte comedian would get at a minimum in any club).

Let's get to the comedians:

• Marcus: Apparently, he is too important to have a surname. You win one challenge on LCS and all of a sudden you are just Marcus, huh? A lot of his jokes weren't very original and often setups just to do impressions. If you like Dane Cook, you'd like Marcus. His style is very similar, although Marcus has got a bit more talent as he is a good impressionist. Even still, I wasn't impressed but America loves Dane Cook so who knows...
• Ron G: Big energy, lots of character work, but not a great set (although I did enjoy the LA church bit of a guy getting baptised with a bluetooth headset). Doesn't really matter as he didn't make the top 5 anyway.
• Jim Tavare: His usual weird self and thankfully America liked him last week as well and he was in the top 5. I just enjoy watching him and what I said last week still holds: original, clever, deadpan, and English. He had a couple of groaners but even when he has a miss he is still interesting.
• Louis Ramey: Looking sharp and, as always, very funny. He started off a little slow but built as he went along and ended very strongly. I'm sure he is used to doing a longer set than 5 minutes so his last joke took a while to setup but it was still worth it. Of course, he was in the Top 5.
• Adam Hunter: His set is extremely scattershot and he jumps topics all over the place. He just went too quickly, barely even pausing between jokes. It was hard to recognize the punchlines because he sped right passed them not even giving the audience a chance to laugh. The crowd, however, really enjoyed him and were upset when it was announced he wasn't in the top 5.
• Jeff Dye: He grew on me this week; I liked him better than last week (maybe it was because he did 3 minutes on the board game Guess Who? because I used to play that all the time). He was funny but I still don't get a lot of depth from his persona. He made it in the top 5.
• Sean Cullen: He was not as strong as last time, but his personality is still winning. Some jokes he did I've heard similar ones before but they weren't bad. I got the impression his heart wasn't in his performance... maybe he knew he wouldn't be in the top 5 (which he wasn't).
• Iliza Shlesinger: She also, like Sean, was not as good as last show although she kept her high energy and her pacing. She really played to the younger people in the audience, both in the theatre and watching TV, by doing an extended bit on drinking games (I haven't looked at the ratings for LCS but I would imagine it skews young and as such it may have been a good tactic on her part). Of course, the drinking game section wasn't very strong. The crowd was really behind her at the beginning but she seemed to lose the energy by the end. For those that can count, she was obviously in the top 5.

Since this is my blog, I am going to decide the winner and rank all the comedians... I can do that. I have that power here. So your final LCS ranking is:

1. Louis Ramey
2. Jim Tavere
3. Jeff Dye
4. Iliza Shlesinger
5. Marcus
6. Sean Cullen
7. Adam Hunter
8. Ron G

It would seem given my ranking America made the correct choice of the top 5. It was a pretty good season for Last Comic Standing (last years winner would rank #9 on the above list).

Now bring on the scripted shows, and the Rangers, and the Giants...

America's Got Crap

Why do I continue to watch America's Got Talent? It is pretty much the worst show on TV right now.

They really play to the lowest common denominator. Every aspect is just so dumb. First and most obvious, the judges are annoyingly stupid. It is rather odd to have a show dedicated to finding talent and then stock the judges table with the most untalented people imaginable. Everyone who shows marginal talented is described by the judges as either what America is all about or the show or both.

Just as bad is the audience. I really hope that they are instructed to be annoying by the producers and aren't naturally that rude and impatient. It is hard to know for sure.

Both the judges and the audience suffer from the America's Funniest Home Videos syndrome-- kids, old people, and animals get a free pass. Apparently, if the title of the show has the possessive form of our country's name, it is going to pander and pander hard.

You don't even have to watch the performances on the show to know if they advance (although, you have to watch to know if they are even marginally good since a lot of crap gets let through do to both the aforementioned AFHV syndrome and the fact that they let "interesting" acts through to add variety and torture us again in the later rounds). If the music they play of the intro is touching or happy, they are moving on (even if they try to add the drama of having one judge say 'no' , you know the last one is saying yes when the treacly music kicks in). If the music is weird, they are going to be horrible.

Usually, in reality shows, seeing people embarrass themselves is fun; schadenfreude in its fullest flower. Somehow the producers of this show screw that up and it is just frustrating to see them parade the shrill and the tone deaf, the deluded and the moronic. AGT also has the highest commercial to content ratio I've ever seen (and I use the term content loosely).

The only good thing about all this is I can watch an episode in about seven minutes... so it saves me some time. It allows me to both watch it and write out this complaint about it in less time than the episode was scheduled for. Now that is efficiency.

Playmates and Performances (of a comedy nature)

Last Comic Standing had their last show before the final with the self-proclaimed shocking turn of events that had all the comedians competing for a spot in the final.

All except for Marcus who won the pretty across the board awful challenge: Creating a bedtime story for some playmates. Unfortunately, the playmates were playing with slightly less than a full deck and didn't quite get some of the stories. Not that any were particularly good, but they did pick the one story that wasn't a story but a trailer of sorts.

Anyway, the better portion of the show was the second hour when all the contestants performed. Unfortunately, they were all saddled with a mere 3 minutes of stage time. Having done plenty of stand-up, I can attest that 3 minutes is a ridiculously short time to show your stuff. But the network has to have a commercial break after every comedian so less time for the actual contestant.

To the comedians:

• Adam Hunter- Pack your bags, dude. Not did he have to perform first, but he wasn't very memorable. The ending of his set was a bit awkward. I'd give him a 'meh' at best (but would still take him over last years winner)
• Iliza Shlesinger- She has a good pace to her set; she talks fast (which is vital to getting a lot of material into 3 minutes). I thought she had good material as well and a decent presence.
• Sean Cullen- He is a very strange man, both his humor and mannerisms are quite unique. I appreciate originality and enjoy watching him perform. I also really like that he incorporates songs into his sets (but doesn't exclusively sing). 3 minutes is quite crippling for him because the song takes up 80% of his time (and you can't just sing faster). I enjoyed it, but will the rest of the audience.
• Jim Tavare- Original, clever, deadpan, and English... which means he is probably not going to make the final. This show has never been kind to the non-US comedians even when they are better than the others and I don't think it is going to change here. Anyone who uses a cello on stage gets my vote (well, my metaphoric vote... I'll watch the show but won't demean myself by voting). I have him as second best of the night but I don't decide.
• Jeff Dye- I don't know why but I don't like him that much. He has good material but he seems very bland on stage. He isn't very memorable. Plus, he kept telling the audience to wait when they started to laugh at his jokes as if correcting them because they weren't laughing at the right time. Here's a tip: when the audience is laughing and enjoying your jokes, don't tell them to stop. It's bad form.
• Ron G- He was a ball of energy (some of which probably came from being nervous). I've never been a huge fan of his and this set didn't really change that. He was OK.
• Louis Ramey- I've been a fan of his from way before this show started and so I was not surprised that he had the strongest set. They had the veteran performer closing the show and that was a wise choice. He is extremely comfortable on stage, has great material, and is just naturally funny. Best of the night by a pretty wide margin.
  

(I'm guessing the running order was not randomly chosen: the worst (or inexperienced) at the beginning, the best at the end, and the very weird in the middle.)

I'm not exactly sure how many people actually get through to the finals. Louis Ramey was the best and should definitely be in the final. I'd put Jim and Iliza in the next tier so if three people move on that's be my choice. I'm guessing the voters would pick also pick Louis. As for the other two, I think they'll go with Jeff and either Ron or Iliza.

At least the field of performers have improved from last year. I'd prefer anyone in this crop to those from last year. So I won't be too annoyed no matter who wins (though Louis definitely should).

(Random aside: For some stupid reason they kept cutting to some stoic guy in the audience. It was very annoying as the people around him were laughing but he never was and yet they kept showing him)

I find your lack of humor disturbing

I was looking forward to the Family Guy Star Wars special. I like both Family Guy and Star Wars and one would think the combination would be enjoyable. It was not. How could a combination that had so much potential end up being a boring mess?

I think the main problem was that the parody of Star Wars forced the Family Guy team to follow a plot. This is definitely not their strong suit even when the story is already written for them. It undercuts the only way that they generate laughs-- the complete non-sequitor. Chaining them to an actual plot led them, for the most part, to obvious old jokes (we know that the parsec is a unit of distance not of time but how is it funny pointing that out?) and that and a few groaners (that foul stench isn't Governor Tarkin, it's a "Darth doody"? Really?).

I watched the episode last night and can only come up with about 5 funny lines/scenes (the best of which was probably the "request" of the next song in the cantina scene and the Red team check-in before the Death Star attack). That just isn't enough to sustain a one hour parody. The Start Wars Universe is rife for parody but I think they shackled themselves with the faithful retelling of only episode IV rather than allowing themselves to make fun of the entire mythos.

I would go back and watch it again and write in more detail, but two things are keeping me from doing that: (1) after watching it, I promptly deleted it from my DVR, and (2) even if I hadn't deleted it, I wouldn't want to watch it again.

Robot Chicken did their Star Wars special a few months back and packed more than twice as many laughs in half the amount of time (for all you math wizards out there, that is more than 4 times the laugh density). They were wise enough to do what Family Guy should have done and stayed with the random, disjointed scenes rather than a retelling.

This is Family Guy's most desperate hour. Help them, manatees, You're their only hope.

Hickory has a new winner

Jon Reep took home the title of Last Comic Standing. As one could guess from my previous posts, I didn't really care whether Jon or Lavell won. Even though I don't think either of them really deserved to win, I think that Jon winning was the right choice. At least he was getting stronger as the competition went on whereas Lavell started strong and rapidly faded down the stretch (insert obvious out of shape joke here). I still think Gerry Dee deserved to win but there is really nothing I can do about it.

The one good thing about watching Last Comic Standing and other reality competition finales is it makes me feel like I am speeding up time and getting more accomplished than I really am. I watched the 2 hour finale of LCS in about 25 minutes. My DVR thankfully allowed me to skip the near half and hour of commercials and over an hour of filler (that is inserted to build up the "suspense" of who wins.) They really don't even have to tell you that it is the finale-- people can figure it out from the endless parade of pointless performances, background information, and self-promotion. The producers of reality competitions should follow the wisdom of the immortal words of Monty Python when scheduling their finale: "Get on with it!".

Would they both please sit down?

So tonight Jon Reep and Lavell Crawford battled it out for the Last Comic Standing title. And no matter who wins, it is the wrong person. John Reep has been one of the worst in the finals and should have been sent home a long time ago. Lavell Crawford was impressive in the initial round and the first round of the finals, but since then has been unintelligible and unfunny.

Gerry Dee was by far the best comedian the past three weeks and yet he got voted out. He deserved to win which could be why he was so broken up when he didn't advance. I guess the way to win is to play to the least common denominator, the way the two finalists do.

Neither of the two finalists improved their lots tonight with their time tonight though. They must have gotten together before hand and agreed to not have any punchlines in their set as they both try to out setup each other.

Jon Reep did his whole set on his dad snoring in a storytelling style but has neither the charisma nor the punchlines to pull it off. The set started off with, "So who knows someone who snores really loud?" and I started shaking my head seeing exactly where it was going. Jon Reep's dad snores loudly, he often falls asleep on the couch watching TV and snores intermittently and in amusing ways, he once snored loudly in church and pretended it wasn't him. If you found that last sentence funny then you might have really enjoyed the set.

Lavell counters with another bit about being at the fast food restaurant and bad customer service.. You see Lavell is fat so when the fast food employee asks him if the gigantic 25-piece chicken meal he just ordered is eat in or to go it's supposed to be funny. This is of course ignoring the fact that the employee is just working off a script and would ask me that question if I ordered it (which at least would have the surreal juxtaposition of the enormous meal against my rather low BMI frame). The customer service bit was that the people on line don't speak English that well (but given the accent that Lavell uses to imitate the worker, we must be calling different lines. I usually get a "British" person whereas he gets someone from Nigeria). But at least Lavell thinks he is funny as he was laughing very hard at his jokes throughout.

I think (or at least hope) part of the problem is the horrible way NBC setup the show. They have given the comics the same 5 minutes to perform the whole finals round and tonight was no different. I fail to see why they didn't give the comedians 10 or 15 minutes to show off. That might sounds counterintuitive since I just talked about how I didn't like the sets and yet I am asking for more. I do for two reasons. One is that I am sure that the comedians are used to doing sets that run longer than 5 minutes and as such are out of their comfort zone (they can't do jokes that run too long or are setup by other jokes because they don't have the time). Secondly, the show is supposed to be the big final competition between these two, deserved or not, and so the show should focus on them. I want a larger sample size of their stand-up to decide who should win.

But instead of giving the time to the comedians that America has asked to see more of, NBC decided to pack the show with three outside pointless comedians: Kathleen Madigan was pretty funny (the best of the night bar-none) but Gilbert Gottfried (with a circa 1999 set heavy with Calista Flockhart jokes) and Greg Proops (bad Obama-Clinton political commentary) were awful. What was the point of their performances? Filler. Maybe NBC didn't have confidence in the finalists either.

I may not actually vote in the competition (that way I can still feel superior-- yeah, I watch reality shows, but I don't actually vote... that's just sad) but I reserve the right to complain about it... It is my right as a belligerent fuck.

Real Winners

Surprisingly, America actually picked the correct winners of the latest two reality shows:

On 'On The Lot' Will took home the top prize and now has a deal with Dreamworks to direct a movie. I was scared that somehow Jason might win the show because for some reason people seemed to like his movies. He was my least favorite person on that show and yet he stuck around. Thankfully, the best man won. (If you have no idea what this show is/was, that is OK. Apparently, looking at the ratings, I was among only 7 people who watched the show).

Also, the Ventriloquist won and deserved it. I never thought I'd say a sentence like that. But He was far and away the best person on America's Got Talent (and I said he was the best act back on June 27th here).

On another reality front, Last Comic Standing has their top 5 perform. I think Gerry Dee has the best set, with Amy Schumer next, then Ralph Harris. Lavell Crawford had a weak set and I was a bit surprised by that (I think he is safe as he has been very strong the rest of the way). But, totally expected, John Reep failed to impress again. I'd guess he is the one going home.

Having said all that, I can't wait for the real TV season to start again... so tired of reality competitions. Please, give me a scripted show!

We got served... some tea and crumpets

I've been watching America's Got Talent and I'm embarrassed. First, because I am watching it at all, that is indeed embarrassing. But even worse than that is we are putting forward a pretty sad group of talent. So far the best act has been a singing ventriloquist. It could only get worse if we got a world class mime (although they are probably waiting for France's Got Talent). We've also got people on stilts, a Boy Shakira, and a number of middling singers. Here you are America, your best and brightest.

We may have beaten Britain in the Revolution but they are kicking our ass when it comes to talent. We have more that five times the people in America than in the UK but less talent (not only in raw talent are we losing, the talent per capita is hugely in there favor-- and you thought it was sad to read the education statistics). Take away Paul Potts and Connie Talbot (who both put the US singers so far to shame) and the Brits are still winning.

What makes matters even worse is the best judge is British-- not only do they have the better talent, they have the better critics as well. David Hasselhoff needs to look up the word 'hyperbole' so he'll stop thinking every mediocre act in the world is the second coming. Sharon has us wishing for the halcyon days of Brandy as the female representation at the judges table. Piers is honest and, while it may appear abrasive and mean you've got to remember that (a) he is British and (b) he was a judge on the British version so he's seen a lot better and now has had to suffer through the same thing us viewers have, so his attitude is understandable.

While I am on the judges, they need to add a little variation to there stock phrases. They like to say that "you are what this show is all about" to about half the acts. Look, it can't be all about 34 very different acts. Yes, we realize that Americans are suckers for kids, old people, and animals (just go back and watch any episode of America's Funniest Home Videos) but it can't be all about all the people all the time (but it can be all about some of the people all of the time, and all about all the people some of the time or so Abraham Lincoln thought).

Also, when someone brings David a dictionary to look up 'hyperbole' they can also bring a thesaurus so the judges can use a phrase other than '100% yes' (aside from the occasional and impossible '1,000% yes'). How about an 'emphatic yes', or a 'wholehearted yes', or an 'unequivocal yes' just to list a few. You don't need to dumb it down for the audience (although those education statistics are still depressing)... but then again, the judges may just be speaking at their usual New York Post level... except of course the Brit.