AGT Finals

A quick recap of the finals since I've already spent too much time on watching this stupid show, I don't want to spend too much more time on it.

• Voices of Glory: They sang in front of a horrible musical arrangement of the Greatest Love of All but they themselves did well, although it was a bit low for the singers. The harmonies were done well and the lead kid was fairly strong but you can hear she is still a kid. One of the better performances of the night.
• Hairo Torres: Pretty good performance but a bit uneven and manic in places. Also was a little heavy on the overacting. There were some impressive dance moves but others look like they went wrong.
• Lawrence Beaman: He ended up doing Barry White (I'm sure the producers pushed him into that one) and does a decent imitation. But of course it comes off as a knock off. Should have tried something a bit more original.
• Barbara Padilla: She sang O Mio Bambino Caro. It was better than he Ave Maria last week. I've heard better versions of the song but it still was very good. It was a strong performance that should win the title.
• Fab Five: They didn't belong in the finals and even though their performance was good for them it doesn't hold a candle to most of the others. All the girls are decent tappers but are very limited in their range. No chance.
• The Texas Tenors: It totally seemed like a parody with the ridiculous sets, even more ridiculous suits (and cowboy hats), and melodramatic singing. They easily could be an SNL skit with little change. Their voices don't blend very well at all. The cheese from the whole performance had my lactose intolerance acting up.
• Drew Stevyns: He butchers another classic song though not quite as badly as last week. He looks scared on stage and doesn't have the pipes to carry the song. Every performance of his is bland and forgettable.
• Grandma Lee: She is a nice lady, but ignoring the kids/elderly/pets effect of the show, she doesn't stand a chance. She is funny but a lot of the punchlines can be seen coming from a long way off. It is inspirational to see someone chasing their dream regardless of their age though but not enough for her to get the votes to win.
• Kevin Skinner: I liked him a lot but this was his worst performance. He was best when he sang small emotional songs. He was overpowered by the band accompanying him and this performance lacked the pathos of earlier ones. He doesn't have the voice to carry that song off and was all over the place. He should have went with a song similar to his audition piece.
• Recycled Percussion: Another group that doesn't belong in the final and just did the same old thing they've done but they added water... wow, that is so original. No chance.
  

Obviously the judges were ordered to praise all the groups regardless of their performance because it is the finals and the show would look stupid if bad acts made the finals. It was obvious and pathetic because a number of the acts deserved some bringing down.

Barbara Padilla should win and she will. No one was near her level. If anyone else wins it Kanye better get his ass on stage and tell everyone that Barbara had the best performance ever.

Back with Talent

I haven't written in a while, but I break my silence now. For what deep and meaningful calling has brought me back-- why America's Got Talent of course.

It gets worse and worse every year yet I continue to watch and hate every minute of it. Apparently the Bush years did more damage to country than I thought because we are pretty much devoid of talent (or at least in the thousands and thousands of people that made it onto this show).

Tonight was the first semifinal and it was ugly.

• Recycled Percussion: The judges keep calling them original but are a low budget rip off of Stomp et al. Three guys bang on various stuff and sadly most of the time they were drum sets and not seemingly recycled in any way. Sure, they have energy but that is about it.
• Lawrence Beaman: Very good singer and soulful but hammed it up a bit tonight. Still one of the best of the night. Wants to do a gospel version of the Lord's Prayer-- Theology aside it could actually be good*.
  
• Erik and Rickie: Two kid ballroom dancers. They are definitely good for their age but really not that good overall. Weirdly, they danced ballroom to Michael Jackson's Black or White. Piers called them on it as he should have because it was blatant pandering to the audience which the AGT performers do better than anyone (not sure if it is the acts or the producers of the shows but it is most likely the latter). They never should have made it past the first round but the judges thought they were cute and great**.
• Jeffrey Ou: He is a pianist and played the last minute or two of Liszt's Hungarian Rhapsody No 6, or at least that is what he said. Piers rightfully called him to task and asked him if he hit a note right. He claims they were all right. I assure you they were not-- even without the missed notes (or which there were a great many) the performance was muddy and cheesy (they hooked the lights to the piano so he could control them-- good choice producers, not only was the playing bad but you gave people seizures). It was very bad, made even more so after I listened to a good recording of the piece.
• Hairo Torres: A dancer with a pretty unique style. Damn flexible and does some interesting moves. One of the better performances of the night, although that by itself isn't saying much. He should move on.
• The EriAm Sisters: Like most of the acts on this show, they are decent and could perform admirably in many a state fair and the like. Rough, rough beginning on the song thought they did get better and by the end were good. Even at their best there is trouble on the harmonies. The youngest sister is by far the best and could be very good in a few years. They sing a schlocky inspirational song (probably chosen by the producers) and that should inspire the people to vote.
• Mario and Jenny: WTF? Wall juggling, tap dancing, drumming, pole dancing, jump roping, balancing a fire drum on his chin. Most of it done middling at best. All the while in weird S&M outfits. How about you pick one talent and get good at it rather than being unentertaining in a myriad ways. Awful.
• Drew Stevyns: Absolutely butchers the Wham! song Careless Whispers. He "makes it his own" (god, I hate that phrases) by dropping it about an octave and makes it edgy. He didn't exactly sing in the same key he ways playing. Go be emo somewhere else.
• The Footwork Kings: They battled it out with Mario and Jenny for worst of the night, but unfortunately couldn't win that battle either. Ridiculous premise-- Power Rangers-- combined with cheesy battle scenes and the same footwork moves they have done every time. I've never been a fan and tonight they embarrassed themselves although I don't think they hit the career suicide levels that Piers claims.
• Barbara Padilla: She sings Bach/Gounod's Ave Maria and does it well. She has some trouble on the lower notes and the high notes are a bit shrill. She also uses super vibrato which irritates me to no end (and makes her tongue dance around her mouth like it is a fish out of water). Yes, she has a great story and she is a very good singer but I am pretty sure all the judges were orgasming during the performance. The producers are really trying to sell her. God was called into play, people were bowing, and talk of a superstar born. She deserves to move on to the finals as the best of the night but the idol worship going on here is nauseating.

* - Note to future contestants: if you want to advance in this competition and don't have the requisite talent (or even if you do) sing really cheesy patriotic or inspirational/god worshiping songs.
** - Additional note to future contestants: if you want to advance in this competition and don't have the requisite talent (or even if you do) either be a kid, an old person, or an animal. Just like it used to be on America's Funniest Home Videos.

America's Got Even More Crap

I just watched the first semi-final of America's Got Talent (I don't know why... it was on my DVR so I figured I should). While watching it three words came to mind: awful, awful, awful. From start to finish.

The judges loved them all though, but that just goes to show how smart they are. Of course, I'll let them speak for themselves. David Hasselhoff had the gem of the night with this line: "You're as American as the Olympics". Brilliant David (surprisingly the Olympics and AGT happen to be on the same station... I'm shocked they didn't start selling the Michael Phelps DVD although he did get a mention later on the show).

Piers came in close second when telling Neal E. Boyd, the opera singer (who can't tell the difference between show tunes and opera), that "only in America" could someone who works in a job like an insurance salesman come into a talent show and sing like him. Piers forgets Britain's Got Talent (on which he is also a judge) where Paul Potts, a phone salesman, not only came in and sang better but won the whole competition. Maybe he meant that only in America someone can sing a show tune in an operatic style and in the process make both sound stupid.

They need to change the title to "America's Got a Modicum of Talent But Is Nearly All Crap" (or AGAMOTBINAC for short).

America's Got Crap

Why do I continue to watch America's Got Talent? It is pretty much the worst show on TV right now.

They really play to the lowest common denominator. Every aspect is just so dumb. First and most obvious, the judges are annoyingly stupid. It is rather odd to have a show dedicated to finding talent and then stock the judges table with the most untalented people imaginable. Everyone who shows marginal talented is described by the judges as either what America is all about or the show or both.

Just as bad is the audience. I really hope that they are instructed to be annoying by the producers and aren't naturally that rude and impatient. It is hard to know for sure.

Both the judges and the audience suffer from the America's Funniest Home Videos syndrome-- kids, old people, and animals get a free pass. Apparently, if the title of the show has the possessive form of our country's name, it is going to pander and pander hard.

You don't even have to watch the performances on the show to know if they advance (although, you have to watch to know if they are even marginally good since a lot of crap gets let through do to both the aforementioned AFHV syndrome and the fact that they let "interesting" acts through to add variety and torture us again in the later rounds). If the music they play of the intro is touching or happy, they are moving on (even if they try to add the drama of having one judge say 'no' , you know the last one is saying yes when the treacly music kicks in). If the music is weird, they are going to be horrible.

Usually, in reality shows, seeing people embarrass themselves is fun; schadenfreude in its fullest flower. Somehow the producers of this show screw that up and it is just frustrating to see them parade the shrill and the tone deaf, the deluded and the moronic. AGT also has the highest commercial to content ratio I've ever seen (and I use the term content loosely).

The only good thing about all this is I can watch an episode in about seven minutes... so it saves me some time. It allows me to both watch it and write out this complaint about it in less time than the episode was scheduled for. Now that is efficiency.