Back with Talent

I haven't written in a while, but I break my silence now. For what deep and meaningful calling has brought me back-- why America's Got Talent of course.

It gets worse and worse every year yet I continue to watch and hate every minute of it. Apparently the Bush years did more damage to country than I thought because we are pretty much devoid of talent (or at least in the thousands and thousands of people that made it onto this show).

Tonight was the first semifinal and it was ugly.

• Recycled Percussion: The judges keep calling them original but are a low budget rip off of Stomp et al. Three guys bang on various stuff and sadly most of the time they were drum sets and not seemingly recycled in any way. Sure, they have energy but that is about it.
• Lawrence Beaman: Very good singer and soulful but hammed it up a bit tonight. Still one of the best of the night. Wants to do a gospel version of the Lord's Prayer-- Theology aside it could actually be good*.
  
• Erik and Rickie: Two kid ballroom dancers. They are definitely good for their age but really not that good overall. Weirdly, they danced ballroom to Michael Jackson's Black or White. Piers called them on it as he should have because it was blatant pandering to the audience which the AGT performers do better than anyone (not sure if it is the acts or the producers of the shows but it is most likely the latter). They never should have made it past the first round but the judges thought they were cute and great**.
• Jeffrey Ou: He is a pianist and played the last minute or two of Liszt's Hungarian Rhapsody No 6, or at least that is what he said. Piers rightfully called him to task and asked him if he hit a note right. He claims they were all right. I assure you they were not-- even without the missed notes (or which there were a great many) the performance was muddy and cheesy (they hooked the lights to the piano so he could control them-- good choice producers, not only was the playing bad but you gave people seizures). It was very bad, made even more so after I listened to a good recording of the piece.
• Hairo Torres: A dancer with a pretty unique style. Damn flexible and does some interesting moves. One of the better performances of the night, although that by itself isn't saying much. He should move on.
• The EriAm Sisters: Like most of the acts on this show, they are decent and could perform admirably in many a state fair and the like. Rough, rough beginning on the song thought they did get better and by the end were good. Even at their best there is trouble on the harmonies. The youngest sister is by far the best and could be very good in a few years. They sing a schlocky inspirational song (probably chosen by the producers) and that should inspire the people to vote.
• Mario and Jenny: WTF? Wall juggling, tap dancing, drumming, pole dancing, jump roping, balancing a fire drum on his chin. Most of it done middling at best. All the while in weird S&M outfits. How about you pick one talent and get good at it rather than being unentertaining in a myriad ways. Awful.
• Drew Stevyns: Absolutely butchers the Wham! song Careless Whispers. He "makes it his own" (god, I hate that phrases) by dropping it about an octave and makes it edgy. He didn't exactly sing in the same key he ways playing. Go be emo somewhere else.
• The Footwork Kings: They battled it out with Mario and Jenny for worst of the night, but unfortunately couldn't win that battle either. Ridiculous premise-- Power Rangers-- combined with cheesy battle scenes and the same footwork moves they have done every time. I've never been a fan and tonight they embarrassed themselves although I don't think they hit the career suicide levels that Piers claims.
• Barbara Padilla: She sings Bach/Gounod's Ave Maria and does it well. She has some trouble on the lower notes and the high notes are a bit shrill. She also uses super vibrato which irritates me to no end (and makes her tongue dance around her mouth like it is a fish out of water). Yes, she has a great story and she is a very good singer but I am pretty sure all the judges were orgasming during the performance. The producers are really trying to sell her. God was called into play, people were bowing, and talk of a superstar born. She deserves to move on to the finals as the best of the night but the idol worship going on here is nauseating.

* - Note to future contestants: if you want to advance in this competition and don't have the requisite talent (or even if you do) sing really cheesy patriotic or inspirational/god worshiping songs.
** - Additional note to future contestants: if you want to advance in this competition and don't have the requisite talent (or even if you do) either be a kid, an old person, or an animal. Just like it used to be on America's Funniest Home Videos.