cogito ergo scribo

Brandi Carlile, Wellmont Theater

2010-02-10T00:02:00.003-05:00

Brandi Carlile's tour came to the Wellmont Theater in Montclair, NJ this past Saturday and thankfully I was able to attend this one (after having tickets to a previous one that I had to miss).

Here is the set list for the concert:

Oh Dear
Looking Out
Late Morning Lullaby
Throw It All Away
Dying Day
I Will
Caroline
You Belong To Me (cover of a Patsy Cline song)
The Times They Are a Changin' (I shouldn't have to tell you)
Dreams
Bend Before It Breaks
Turpentine
The Story
Mad World (cover of a cover of a Tears For Fears song)
Sounds of Silence (by the twins, Tim and Phil Hanseroth)
Jackson (cover a Johnny Cash song)
That Year
Pride and Joy

A spirited cello intro signaled the start of the concert, and the entire band crowded around a microphone to sing Oh Dear with them all providing harmony to Brandi's soaring vocals with only a single ukulele providing accompaniment.

Dying Day is one of my favorite tracks off her newest album and was one of the most impressive of the concert as it was performed without any amplification. Brandi was able to fill the large theater with her voice without a microphone and it allowed the song to take a life of its own.

That Year gave me chills: the subject matter combined with the emotion that Brandi can bring to her singing is a powerful combination. It was made all the more powerful by the abrupt change from the energy that pervaded Jackson, the song that preceded it.

The concert was a good mix of full band and Brandi alone, electric and acoustic (and as mentioned above unamplified). Brandi is a rare talent that sounds as good, if not better, live than in the studio. If you have a chance to see her live, do it. I was happy I was able to introduce a friend to Brandi's music through this concert and she now has another fan. But I won't stop until every one is a fan... of course, that will make getting tickets to future concerts harder but that is a sacrifice I am willing to make.

Welcome back, of sorts

2010-01-27T22:47:00.005-05:00

It is important to have the ability to laugh at yourself in order to survive this life. If you can't do that you will be miserable because the chances of having a fully charmed life without anything going wrong is practically nil.

In my life this ability is particularly useful as my life so often goes to shit. But luckily I can find humor in myself and my situation as I would if I were observing some movie covering the same events. I laugh at myself and the things I do not so much because they are funny "ha-ha" but because they are ludicrous. Luckily, this keeps me sane although it does little to keep me happy.

It seems to me the universe decides our life, we control only how we deal with it.

Poetry Night IV

2009-11-14T23:17:00.003-05:00


Questions

A look, a smile, a laugh for me?
Is there more from you than I see?
Is there less right here than I hope?

Do I make all my feelings known?
Do you see everything I've shown?
Can I keep on playing the dope?

What here can I form with you?
Can we, from nothing, create anew?
Can these solutions be inferred?

Is there anything short of saying?
Can this price be worth the paying?
Can these questions ever be answered?

I wrote this one while back in college and the reasons behind this one I suspect are pretty obvious so it doesn't require too much explanation. There has been a lot of questions on my mind lately (mostly unrelated to ones in poem but questions are questions) so I thought of this poem and I figured I'd post it.

Until Next Time

2009-09-28T23:03:00.002-04:00


Until next time
never shall I see
that laughing face
I'll survive I'm sure
lesser than I should
Never shall I see
each beautiful inch
xanthous hair and royal eyes
that hypnotize my mind
The separation shall be pain
I'll survive I'm sure
miserable though I may be
eagerly awaiting you.

This is a poem I started a long time ago and finally finished just yesterday. It an acrostic poem (where the first letter, in this case, of each line spells out a word/phrase/whatever). I changed it up so that the first line of the poem is the phrase spelled out by the acrostic, what I am dubbing a perpendicular acrostic.

The acrostic phrase is my favorite way to end a letter and so with it comes a feeling of being apart waiting for the next conversation/meeting. And the poem is a natural extension of that.

Quick Hits III

2009-09-27T23:22:00.003-04:00

As annoying as someone talking on their cell phone while in the bathroom stall, it is twice as bad to text or email someone. At least in the case of the cell call you can flush so that the person on the line realizes that they are conversing with someone taking a dump. But with the text/email case there is nothing you can do listen to the clickety-clack of the keys. There is no interference you can run-- you are as helpless as someone with their pants around their ankles should be.

To the people that think they must communicate with everyone every second of the day, you're not that important. The world will survive without hearing your opinions during your afternoon constitutional. When you are defecating, that is time to take just for yourself. No one wants to share that moment with you. So just relax... it will go quicker that way.

I know people get excited when your sports team wins, but stop sharing the results in Twitter and Facebook statuses (or even worse the play by play). Not all of us watch the games live and don't want the know the results. Some people aren't home when the games are on and others like to watch them delayed to skip the stupid commercials. How about a spoiler tag? I guess those are just another couple of websites to add to the "do not check" list until the game is watched.

While out a coffee shop with a friend, we were talking about family. They mentioned they had two relatives named John who were very tall. I, making a bad joke, asked if they were called "Little John".

Not more than a couple of minutes later, a group of people who had sat down and shared our table got a few desserts delivered. Jokingly, they told us not to try and take any. One of them said, "I will protect them like Little John on the bridge" and mimed holding a quarterstaff.

My friend and I laughed heartily not so much at the joke but at the weirdly coincidental mentions of Little John. I haven't made or heard a reference to anything Sherwood Forest related in years so the juxtaposition was eerie. Robin Hood and his Merry Men must be cool again (or maybe it is just the attitude that stealing from the rich and giving to the poor is popular in this economic climate).

AGT Finals

2009-09-15T22:46:00.002-04:00

A quick recap of the finals since I've already spent too much time on watching this stupid show, I don't want to spend too much more time on it.

Voices of Glory: They sang in front of a horrible musical arrangement of the Greatest Love of All but they themselves did well, although it was a bit low for the singers. The harmonies were done well and the lead kid was fairly strong but you can hear she is still a kid. One of the better performances of the night.
Hairo Torres: Pretty good performance but a bit uneven and manic in places. Also was a little heavy on the overacting. There were some impressive dance moves but others look like they went wrong.
Lawrence Beaman: He ended up doing Barry White (I'm sure the producers pushed him into that one) and does a decent imitation. But of course it comes off as a knock off. Should have tried something a bit more original.
Barbara Padilla: She sang O Mio Bambino Caro. It was better than he Ave Maria last week. I've heard better versions of the song but it still was very good. It was a strong performance that should win the title.
Fab Five: They didn't belong in the finals and even though their performance was good for them it doesn't hold a candle to most of the others. All the girls are decent tappers but are very limited in their range. No chance.
The Texas Tenors: It totally seemed like a parody with the ridiculous sets, even more ridiculous suits (and cowboy hats), and melodramatic singing. They easily could be an SNL skit with little change. Their voices don't blend very well at all. The cheese from the whole performance had my lactose intolerance acting up.
Drew Stevyns: He butchers another classic song though not quite as badly as last week. He looks scared on stage and doesn't have the pipes to carry the song. Every performance of his is bland and forgettable.
Grandma Lee: She is a nice lady, but ignoring the kids/elderly/pets effect of the show, she doesn't stand a chance. She is funny but a lot of the punchlines can be seen coming from a long way off. It is inspirational to see someone chasing their dream regardless of their age though but not enough for her to get the votes to win.
Kevin Skinner: I liked him a lot but this was his worst performance. He was best when he sang small emotional songs. He was overpowered by the band accompanying him and this performance lacked the pathos of earlier ones. He doesn't have the voice to carry that song off and was all over the place. He should have went with a song similar to his audition piece.
Recycled Percussion: Another group that doesn't belong in the final and just did the same old thing they've done but they added water... wow, that is so original. No chance.

Obviously the judges were ordered to praise all the groups regardless of their performance because it is the finals and the show would look stupid if bad acts made the finals. It was obvious and pathetic because a number of the acts deserved some bringing down.

Barbara Padilla should win and she will. No one was near her level. If anyone else wins it Kanye better get his ass on stage and tell everyone that Barbara had the best performance ever.

Back with Talent

2009-09-08T23:46:00.004-04:00

I haven't written in a while, but I break my silence now. For what deep and meaningful calling has brought me back-- why America's Got Talent of course.

It gets worse and worse every year yet I continue to watch and hate every minute of it. Apparently the Bush years did more damage to country than I thought because we are pretty much devoid of talent (or at least in the thousands and thousands of people that made it onto this show).

Tonight was the first semifinal and it was ugly.

Recycled Percussion: The judges keep calling them original but are a low budget rip off of Stomp et al. Three guys bang on various stuff and sadly most of the time they were drum sets and not seemingly recycled in any way. Sure, they have energy but that is about it.
Lawrence Beaman: Very good singer and soulful but hammed it up a bit tonight. Still one of the best of the night. Wants to do a gospel version of the Lord's Prayer-- Theology aside it could actually be good*.
Erik and Rickie: Two kid ballroom dancers. They are definitely good for their age but really not that good overall. Weirdly, they danced ballroom to Michael Jackson's Black or White. Piers called them on it as he should have because it was blatant pandering to the audience which the AGT performers do better than anyone (not sure if it is the acts or the producers of the shows but it is most likely the latter). They never should have made it past the first round but the judges thought they were cute and great**.
Jeffrey Ou: He is a pianist and played the last minute or two of Liszt's Hungarian Rhapsody No 6, or at least that is what he said. Piers rightfully called him to task and asked him if he hit a note right. He claims they were all right. I assure you they were not-- even without the missed notes (or which there were a great many) the performance was muddy and cheesy (they hooked the lights to the piano so he could control them-- good choice producers, not only was the playing bad but you gave people seizures). It was very bad, made even more so after I listened to a good recording of the piece.
Hairo Torres: A dancer with a pretty unique style. Damn flexible and does some interesting moves. One of the better performances of the night, although that by itself isn't saying much. He should move on.
The EriAm Sisters: Like most of the acts on this show, they are decent and could perform admirably in many a state fair and the like. Rough, rough beginning on the song thought they did get better and by the end were good. Even at their best there is trouble on the harmonies. The youngest sister is by far the best and could be very good in a few years. They sing a schlocky inspirational song (probably chosen by the producers) and that should inspire the people to vote.
Mario and Jenny: WTF? Wall juggling, tap dancing, drumming, pole dancing, jump roping, balancing a fire drum on his chin. Most of it done middling at best. All the while in weird S&M outfits. How about you pick one talent and get good at it rather than being unentertaining in a myriad ways. Awful.
Drew Stevyns: Absolutely butchers the Wham! song Careless Whispers. He "makes it his own" (god, I hate that phrases) by dropping it about an octave and makes it edgy. He didn't exactly sing in the same key he ways playing. Go be emo somewhere else.
The Footwork Kings: They battled it out with Mario and Jenny for worst of the night, but unfortunately couldn't win that battle either. Ridiculous premise-- Power Rangers-- combined with cheesy battle scenes and the same footwork moves they have done every time. I've never been a fan and tonight they embarrassed themselves although I don't think they hit the career suicide levels that Piers claims.
Barbara Padilla: She sings Bach/Gounod's Ave Maria and does it well. She has some trouble on the lower notes and the high notes are a bit shrill. She also uses super vibrato which irritates me to no end (and makes her tongue dance around her mouth like it is a fish out of water). Yes, she has a great story and she is a very good singer but I am pretty sure all the judges were orgasming during the performance. The producers are really trying to sell her. God was called into play, people were bowing, and talk of a superstar born. She deserves to move on to the finals as the best of the night but the idol worship going on here is nauseating.

* - Note to future contestants: if you want to advance in this competition and don't have the requisite talent (or even if you do) sing really cheesy patriotic or inspirational/god worshiping songs.
** - Additional note to future contestants: if you want to advance in this competition and don't have the requisite talent (or even if you do) either be a kid, an old person, or an animal. Just like it used to be on America's Funniest Home Videos.

A culture divide

2008-12-15T01:57:00.002-05:00

"In Arab culture, throwing shoes at someone, or sitting so that the bottom of a shoe faces another person, is considered an insult."

Thanks CNN. It is a good thing you specified that you were referring to Arab culture, because no one in any other culture would consider having a shoe thrown at them an insult. Here, it is a gift, as in "please, take my shoe and no, you don't need to come over, I will throw it to you". Arab culture is so different than ours... can we ever understand each other?

Quick Hits II

2008-12-09T00:58:00.002-05:00

I was at Barnes and Noble looking through the CDs and came across the soundtrack to Jesus Christ Superstar, the original London cast version of the 40 varieties available. It is a very expensive soundtrack even when compared to the other versions but I wanted to get it for a while so I took it up to the cashier. As she rang it up, she looked at the price and asked, "Damn! Does Jesus come with this?"

Later while back at my apartment, I attempted to open that same CD. It was sealed as if a relic was inside it and I released a stream of profanities, curses, and, most emphatically, 2nd-commandment-breakers. Then when trying to separate the CD from the case a second round of the same. I was wondered how many people used 2/3 of the title of the CD as exclamation while trying to enjoy the music. Sacrilicious.

On a recent episode of The Colbert Report, Stephen broke out his sweetness (that is, his gun). It looked suspiciously familiar to me. I had written a sketch that involved a gun and in order to create the prop I bought a cheap plastic gun from a costume store. This being NYC, they aren't allowed to sell realistic looking guns, so, while the shape looks like an actual gun, the color is in headache-inducing neon pink and green. I applied black spray paint liberally to cover the garish original color and I had a passable gun... and a doppelganger to Stephen's sweetness (you can even see the plastic bit covering the muzzle). Where is the truthiness Stephen, where?

Jazzy, baby

2008-12-06T01:25:00.002-05:00

And for the talent portion, here is Sarah Palin singing jazz...

I got quite a laugh out of this one.

Reaction to the Election and the Current Condition of the United States of America, 2008

2008-11-07T15:58:00.007-05:00

Also, read the 2004 Edition.

What follows are my opinions about the current state of America. I am neither a Democrat nor a Republican. I am not a Christian, or Jew, or Muslim. For the following, I am only a concerned citizen and was inspired to write this after seeing the results of the election. To wit, I choose to us the pen, electronic though it may be, to express and disseminate my thoughts on the subject.

I do not expect that everyone that reads the following will agree with everything contained therein. I do, however, ask that you will grant me the right to my opinions as I would surely grant you yours. It is only through honest discourse that we can hope to understand each other and so I have endeavored to provide just that.

November 5, 2008

The result itself was not surprising. All the polls leading up to it predicted how it would all play out and all the experts felt the same way. The outcome was all but certain going in, but that did not put my mind at ease, nor did it for many wanting the result so assumed. What was so surprising is that the event foretold actually came to be; that it came to that historic conclusion.

The wave of blue that swept in from the coast to put out the red flame of fear and intolerance that was kindled eight years ago and threatened to engulf the country was a long awaited sight. That flame was fed from our fears of past events, but the fuel could only feed the fire for so long before it was spent. Fear is an ephemeral emotion; it is not sustainable in the long run. It leaves people a hollow shell and they will look to fill it with something positive. And so the people of this country did, when they found hope.

It was not real for me until Barack Obama walked out on the stage and gave another rousing speech. I was left with a tear in my eye for I was watching history, but it was so much more than that alone. I was watching good history, the right history.

I have seen a lot of history before last night in my lifetime but nearly all the memories that fill my head are negative. My earliest memory of history is the explosion of a mission to space and the confusion and hurt that followed. I see a shell of a bombed building and school shootings. I see tidal waves and earthquakes. I see towers crumbling and, of course, I see war.

The only history that I celebrated was the pulling down of a wall and it was echoed last night with the destruction of another wall, a symbolic one but a wall nonetheless. It was a wall that should have been destroyed a long time ago but it took the right person at the right time to do it. Many thought it impossible and a few wanted that barrier to be permanent. But like any impedance of a people, it will eventually fail, either through the natural effects of time or through the demand for change or both.

Every parent at some point has told their child that they can be anything they want, even president of the United States. Many said this knowing it was a lie; a lie to inspire and build up rather than tear down but a lie nonetheless. It parallels the lie of Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy. These are lies that brings the extraordinary into the ordinary, that makes the impossible possible, that bring hope to the hopeless. Parents say this to their children not because they believe it to be true but in the hope that someday it could be. Now, that hope of possibility has turned into reality. No longer does a parent need to lie to their child, that ideal is true now. That day has come; that day is history.

That word cannot be used enough-- history. It was a historic election and a historic result. Not just because America stood up and picked an African-American for the first time in its history. This in and of itself is marvel and is unparalleled, and was long overdue. It was not only this but that America picked the more deserving candidate. We picked the more deserving candidate and, unlike in many elections, one that deserved to be picked. In everything he has done and in everything he has said, Barack Obama presented himself as a man who wants the country as a whole to succeed while being himself humble about his role. He heard the cries for change and promised to deliver through both his actions and words.

The demand for change in this country was strong even before Barack Obama made that his core message, but the fact that he was aware of the populace's demand shows an awareness that neither his opponent nor the current president have shown. That demand is strongest when there is dissatisfaction with the present, and the present is indeed bleak. The people then have no choice but to look to the future and there was little question as to which candidate represented the future.

John McCain did try to usurp the message of change during the campaign but it was a hard sell when everything he did bespoke a lie. He promised to bring change to place he has worked for nearly three decades while at the same time promoted his experience. This is as blatantly disingenuous as one can get. Experience is worthless if you plan on completely changing the system in which that experience was gained so we must discount your experience if you truly want to bring change. On the flip side, we cannot believe that McCain would bring change if we send him back to work in a place he has worked for so long, therefore we must discount your message of change if you wish to use your experience.

It is also strange to focus your claims to experience as an executive by talking of your experience as a legislator. There is a much better example that each have had over the past couple of years. The head of a campaign is much closer to president than that of a senator. You must lead a large group and get everyone on the same page. You must craft a message that resonates not just with you and your supporters but to the country as a whole. You must inspire and bring together those with differing opinions. All of these things you must do as the head of a campaign must also be done once a campaign is successful. The campaign is president practice.

In all honesty, there was no real comparison between the two campaigns. The McCain campaign bungled from one misstep to another, none bigger than the selection of his vice president running mate. McCain was impulsive, quick to decide without scrutiny, which is the exact opposite of what is require to be a good president. A thoughtless action during the campaign leads to negative publicity, a viral video, and perhaps a few percentage points drop in the polls. A thoughtless action as the chief executor of the country could be disastrous: it can cause an economic depression, antagonize an enemy, or precipitate yet another war. McCain has a documented history of being a hot-head whose temper is a hair's breadth away from boiling over and that is not the temperament we need.

Contrast that with the cool, calm demeanor of the man who was often under attack. Barack Obama handled everything that came his way without ever getting flustered. He was under the largest microscope this country has ever created for two years with nary a major mistake. And be sure any mistake would be magnified greatly by that microscope because of who he is. There was no second chance for him-- a mistake would not mean doubt from many voters but a permanent scar which he would be unable to hide. He was under intense and continuous pressure, much like a president, and came away unscathed. Barack Obama's long time in the crucible of the spotlight has galvanized him for his future task.

Having said all that the experience argument is a poor one. Some of our greatest presidents have had less experience than Barack Obama, and some of our worst have had resumes to compare with John McCain. This is why experience does not define a president. The president is a person of the moment and not of the past. They must be aware of the past and learn from it but decisions cannot be made there. The value of experience is highly overrated by the candidates themselves and the electorate as a whole. There are much more important characteristics that often get overlooked, but this time they came shining through. One candidate pushed a message of hope and promise the other on fear and hatred.

John McCain focused not on building himself up but tearing down Barack Obama which was a stunning example of the disconnect he had with the zeitgeist. He punched at the pedestal that Barack Obama stood upon, the pedestal he himself had helped create. Instead of concentrating on his own perch he remained fixated on destroying his enemies'. Each attack was more desperate, more pathetic, and less effective. This tactic did nothing but waste time, and when time ran out he was left on the ground looking up at Obama in the rarefied air above him. It was the last gasp of a man whose time had passed.

McCain's time should have been 2000 and had he been elected then maybe we would not be in such dire straights now. Back then his claims of being a Maverick were justified instead of just being empty hot air. But to try and correct that error now will just make matters worse, you cannot fix the past by making another mistake in the present. You can only hope to fix the future by choosing wisely now.

Fear was the status quo over the past eight years and Obama's opponents assumed that it would remain so. Fear got them into places of power and they went with their tried and true tactic ignoring the state of the country. They bet that the fear of change and the fear of the person that would bring it would be sufficient to win. They went all in and lost.

McCain and his campaign tossed accusations at the wall like spaghetti hoping something would stick. The claim that Obama was paling around with terrorists was frail in compared to Obama's obvious love of his country. Charges of socialism was wordplay and convinced only those already in agreement. They claimed him to be ignorant on topics on which he was obviously well versed, while at the same time desperately trying to keep Sarah Palin out of the spotlight or any light.

Perhaps their stupidest attack was that Barack Obama is all rhetoric, for even if that were true, it is more than they could offer. The pen is mightier than the sword. We are what we think, and the pen has the power to shape our thoughts. Words can change the country and the world, then can inspire and drive, they can give hope and change minds. Words written on a parchment in 1776 gave us freedom, a pamphlet that same year gave us Common Sense and the determination to fight. Words helped repair this country after its civil war and helped put a man on the moon. There is nothing they cannot do and to have a leader who is aware of their power and both wise and skilled in using them is the highest complement one can give.

It is the words of the great leaders of the past that we remember, that we learn in school, that we repeat to make a point. We repeat these speeches because they still carry weight, they helped shaped the opinions of the day and even years after spoken they still retain the significance they once did. For the great presidents, we remember not only what they did but what they said. The latter affects us to a greater degree today. Deeds often lose significance as time moves on, like a dream fades away once you are awake, but words and ideas last forever because they are constantly reborn when repeated and pondered.

Even if Barack Obama were only words, great words, that would be a breathe of fresh air and sufficient to do his job. But Obama is more than just words. He is intelligence, fortitude, confidence, and determination. He will surround himself with good people and actually listen to them. Better than that, he will understand the issues and make informed decisions rather than rely exclusively on the decisions of those around him.

The presidents job is to ensure that the will and judgment of the people, through their representative, is done. He has no power to make laws nor power to render decisions. His power is but to lead, to motivate, to inspire; he is almost a figurehead. The real power lies not in the president himself but in the ideal of the president-- what the office represents. The president is a leader and an ambassador to the country and the world.

There is no one in the world right now that equals Barack Obama on those fronts. He motivated throngs of people to follow him and help elect change into office. Hundreds of thousands gather to hear him speak wherever he goes, whether it is in the United States or elsewhere, because his words echo what they feel and what they hope. The whole world looks at us in a new light because of our ability to see through the usual politics and choose someone that they see as the better leader for the world. That is a leader; that is an ambassador.

Obama has fought against innumerable detractors for years and even after he has been elected there are those still looking to bring him down. He will never be complacent because there are many who will never let him: his detractors will never stop looking for weaknesses or mistakes and his supporters will constantly put pressure on him to live up to place in history.

The storybook ending to this election is just the beginning of this story. What we do now determines whether this story ends as a comedy, tragedy, or, dare we hope, a heroic epic. Obama cannot do it alone, it will take not only the support of those he already has but everyone in this country. We can only hope that those who voted against him will not be unwilling and unable to open their minds to change. That instead of sitting on the sidelines hoping the revelers stay off their lawn that they join in the revelry and help reshape the coming days. We also must be vigilant that the current celebration drunk with emotion does not slip into a hangover of apathy and disinterest like this country is so accustomed. The task is not done but simply started and we must not waste this start. We must follow this change through to the end.

The only road to the White House is no longer only presumption of birth or wealth or military achievement but there is also a heretofore mythological road; that legendary path that parents have spoke of with their children for hundreds of years but that they themselves doubted even existed. It was a road not only less traveled by but never trampled on by human feet. Until now, where together we found it as a nation and watched as one walked it for the first time. That road was discovered last night and it can never be hidden again.

It was indeed small steps with which Barack Obama walked out onto the stage at Grant Park in Chicago, but it was a giant leap forward for America and the world. The long night that has blanketed this country is not yet over, the sun not yet above the horizon, but the east is aglow with the light that precedes the dawn... and it is growing brighter.

-----------

While we can celebrate this presidential victory as a great moment in history, where the color of a person's skin was indeed overlooked in favor of the content of that person's character, this celebration must be tempered. As a nation we rose up and tossed aside an old discrimination but found a new and more modern kind in its stead. This bigotry was on display across the country, every ballot measure concerning it ended up on the wrong side, even in the most progressive of states, California.

Anti-gay sentiment is the hate du jour and it is widely spread in the United States. The bigots speak of homosexuality as if it is a choice, which it is not, or that it is not natural, which it is. They speak of these things as if they would justify their loathing of homosexuals even if either or both were true.

America is about freedom, freedom to choose how you want to live. So even if homosexuality were a choice, they should be afforded this choice. And if homosexuality is a choice, they so must heterosexuality be. Therefore if you allow yourself that choice, you should allow others theirs.

The supporters of these ballot measures claim they are defending marriage. How does allowing a gay couple to marry detract from your marriage in any way? How does acknowledging more love cheapen marriage? The answer is, of course, that gay marriage does not affect them or marriage itself in any way. They fear and hate gays so they resist them being accepted anyway they can. It is not truly about marriage but about making sure that the gay lifestyle is not brought into the mainstream.

The bigots look for justification from god and for truth in a book that has none to give on the subject. That again goes to illustrate the power of words. Even a few words written by an unknown man in an ancient and mostly forgotten language thousands of years ago can still greatly influence the opinions of those alive today. Not just influence, but give them the unflappable knowledge that they are both right and just in their reduction of another human being to that of an animal, one that does not deserve all that they have.

They do all this because of a few passages in a ancient book. An ancient book that would have nearly everyone alive today stoned to death for various innocuous infractions, but they ignore this and focus only on their own goal. They ignore that morality from the bronze age is no longer appropriate in 21st century America. Most people have stopped looking to the old testament as a morality guide in everything but this one issue. Why grasp so hard at this one fuzzy prescription?

What it comes down to is that gay Americans are not fully a person according to the majority. It is acceptable that they can have all the rights as straight Americans do all long as it is outside their "pursuit of Happiness". So it has been decided that gays are not a full person, more than three-fifths, but not a full five-fifths either.

The population of those we Americans discriminate against grows smaller each time, but that does not make it any less wrong. First it was all about the genitals you have, then about the color of those genitals, and now it concerns where you put those genitals. Each issue as ridiculous and stupid as the last. We are one species and should act like it and accept each for who they are. We are taught to treasure the differences in each other because that is what makes each person unique. The lesson here is that differences are acceptable as long as they aren't too different, or scary, or against another's beliefs.

There is a easy solution to this problem, simply remove the government entirely from the marriage debate. Every joining of two people in the governments eyes would simply be a civil union, both gay and straight. Remove government from the discussion entirely so as to remove the defense of marriage as an excuse to reduce the worth of a person. This would leave only their bigotry as reason to not allow fully equal rights for homosexuals. The only problem with this solution is it would hide the anti-gay feelings and a hidden discrimination does not progress towards equality as fast as a conspicuous one. It is a solution that is penny wise and pound foolish, sacrificing the long term for the immediate.

It is hypocrisy of the highest order for anyone to laud yourself for having a hand in the watershed moment of electing Barack Obama while not chastising yourself for being homophobic. At the same time you are patting yourself on the back for being so enlightened for helping to elect an African-American as president, you should be kicking yourself in the nads for perpetuating bigotry in another form. You are not enlightened because while you may have managed to help lift one group up you did so while pissing on another.

Rest assured, this ban will not last nor will the feelings of fear and hate. It will be fixed in time-- those that want things to remain static can only accomplish that for so long, any impedance of a people will fail. Time changes all and progress will not stop forever no matter how hard some people try. All this codified discrimination did is weaken a country-- it did so by weakening a part of us and so all of us are less because of it.

The joy in this election is not as much as it could have been, not as much as it should have been.

Heroes, Villains, and Vampires

2008-10-23T15:10:00.008-04:00

Let's start off with the bad of TV season, Heroes. The show used to be good. The first season was an original series that was dense plot wise but interesting to watch. The ending of the first season was a bit anticlimactic but it was somewhat satisfying. The second season devolved a bit-- it became repetitive and used the same characters to do what they've always done. And now the third season, they fell into a vat of crap.

In a show that is all about the battle between good and evil, very little of note actually happens. It is the only war in which no one ever dies. Even if you think they are dead, they aren't dead. Even if you see them killed, they aren't dead. It'd probably be easier to count the characters on the show that haven't been dead at one point or another (in the present or the various futures they've had) than count the ones who haven't died.

The show has jumped the shark (and this shark has the ability to shoot laser beams out of its head). Problem with the same old villains? We'll just switch the heroes and the villains instead of actually killing some characters off and think of new and exciting ones. Hard to deal with the fact that Peter should be invincible? We'll just take his powers away so he is weak and we can go through season 1 again where Peter gathers his powers (I guess the logic here being we should just relive the good season of the show). Hiro can time-travel and should be able to go anywhere in time and fix anything that pops up? We'll just make him so ridiculously stupid that ever time he tries to go through time and fix things he screws up and then decides to stop messing with time. It just goes on and on: Claire is indestructible but no one lets her do anything (and give her useless people to protect her). Ali Larter must have had a three year contract because even though her character died she had an identical twin (God forbid we get a new actress to play the part, and because it is the same actress we have to go through and explain why she looks exactly the same as another of the heroes... can you say needless exposition?)

There are so many characters running around that just seem pointless to the main plot (and I use the term plot loosely as so little has happened over the course of three seasons). If only the villains would man up and start taking some of them out things might get streamlined enough to get interesting again.

I used to look forward to watching this but it has just gotten so bad recently that the DVR has no room for it any more.

(As an aside, there was a nice goof in the last episode: When Hiro froze time in the first episode with the Daphne (the super speed girl), she lost her super speed but could still move at a normal pace. Last episode, he freezes time to go in the past and replace his sword and get fake blood to "kill" with Ando and this time Daphne is completely frozen. Consistency-- let's get some.)

Now to the good, True Blood. To be honest, I nearly gave up on this show a few minutes into it but I am glad I didn't (and not just because Anna Paquin gets naked). It is an atmospheric and campy vampire tale (while those don't sound like they'd go together, they do).

The show gives their version of the vampire mythology, straying here and their from the basics but not so much as to be distracting. In the show, the vampires have 'come out' after a synthetic blood, marketed as True Blood, was developed to allow the vampires to survive without feeding off of humans. Some vampires, like the main protagonist Bill Compton, tries to rejoin society. He meets a woman, Sookie, who can read people's thoughts and there is an attraction right away.

The show is set in the deep south, so you have the obvious racial parallels as the vampires are discriminated against by the humans. Are they justified in doing so? The vampires have fed off them in the past-- will they live peacefully on the new blood or will they keep to their old ways. In addition, there is plenty of sex and drug issues as well... not that any of this is surprising as the show is on HBO (if you are going to be on pay cable you might as well get everything in the show they won't let on the other networks, otherwise it is just a waste of time)

I don't want to give any major plot points away, but if you have HBO and you haven't given it a try, you should.

Sarah Palin on My9

2008-10-19T23:08:00.004-04:00

Brenda Blackman had Sarah Palin in the studio for the only interview in the NYC area. It is an exclusive and one I'd bet any channel would like to have. Given that, I am not sure why the campaign chose to go on My9 rather than any of the bigger networks. It is almost two weeks to the election and the McCain campaign still seems reluctant to let Palin do any interview that a large number of people will actually see.

After watching the interview, I understand why (not that I didn't before, but I was assuming after a while she would get better at it... she hasn't-- practice has certainly not made perfect in her case.) Also, My9 was probably so happy to get the exclusive that they didn't want to be too hard on her lest they never get another interview. Brenda Blackman took it extremely easy on Palin, embarrassingly so. It ended up being not as much an interview as a commercial and yet Sarah Palin still came out looking bad in the end.

The first section lasted 50 seconds, all dealing with what is the hardest part about running for president. She plays this part for pity-- the hardest part is the toll on her family because it was a complete surprise that that would happen. Maybe the vetting by McCain was so circumstantial that she thought no one would probe very deeply. Hard hitting journalism. Hit those hot button topics.

Next, 13 seconds on how the McCain/Palin ticket would lower taxes, not taking more of what our small businesses and families earn and "redistributing it". Then, 20 seconds on the accomplishments of fundraising and crowds that Barack Obama has gotten over the past month. It is impressive, like his speech but it is nothing compared to "trustworthy and, umm, noteworthy also heroic deeds that John McCain is offering in terms of service to his country". In other words, don't forget that John McCain was a prisoner of war over thirty years ago as it is really germane to the topic at hand.

8 seconds on the fact that she doesn't care what the polls say (just like she doesn't care what questions are asked in a debate, or what science says about climate change, or that dinosaurs didn't live with people). The only polls that matters is the one on November 4th.

12 seconds on Colin Powell's endorsement of Barack Obama. She says it doesn't matter because it was "expected". Just like the current economic crisis doesn't matter because it was expected... oh wait, it still does matter doesn't it. Well, it also doesn't matter according to Gov. Palin because although the most famous, like-able, and marketable Republican military person is backing Barack Obama there are plenty of other Republican people that you've never heard of still supporting John McCain, so it is a wash.

16 seconds on her experience... frankly, the fact that she could fill that much is impressive. She has executive experience and apparently is a "regulator of oil and gas" (which sounds very much like that part of your resume that you pad with stuff you just make up: special skills-- can regulate oil and gas). Plus, she shares her vision with John McCain so who actually needs skill or knowledge. C'mon, they share a vision.

Then onto her SNL appearance that Brenda says "everyone is talking about". She fills 21 seconds on how fun it was and how nice everyone is and the fact that you need to have a sense of humor. So that is more time spent on SNL than on taxes, the economy, or any political topic that voters care about.

The last segment was on special needs children , where Brenda Blackman shared her story of her child with Lupus. Palin said that special needs children would be a priority. Her answer spanned 35 seconds and is reproduced here in its entirety:

"You know what we need to do is strengthen the Nation Institute of Health. We have not funded it to the degree it should be. we haven't prioritized so enough funds go there to strengthen that so that we can start finding some of these cures. We've been so reliant, appropriately, in a sense, on the private sector fundraising efforts, like you've been engaged in with Lupus, that's important too. But the federal government does play an appropriate role here in making sure that resources are prioritized appropriately so that NIH is strengthened and we can start doing even more for this research."

That is a classic Palin answer that rambles on and says absolutely nothing. Sure all politicians do that in a sense, but the good ones answer in a way that addresses part of the question and sounds satisfying. Palin's answer is a train wreck that fills time and makes her look stupid... and that she has a word of the day calendar and the words for the past two days were "appropriately" and "prioritize".

Here visit was "amazing", SNL was "awesome", and the set at My9, which is an issue that a lot of voters care about, is "very beautiful... just very sharp and classy". The interview was "so nice". Gee golly, this woman could be president dontcha know.

So totaling that up, she was in the studio for over an hour and they got just over 5 minutes good enough to put on the show. The segment itself was over 9 minutes long so it is pretty sad that you can barely fill half a segment devoted entirely to you. Brenda at one point described Sarah Palin as "gracious, forthcoming, and competent". Why they chose not to show any of those portions of the interview, I'll never know.

The interview only goes to show that, as Colin Powell says, she just isn't ready to be president. And My9 isn't ready to have a news program either.

Julia Nunes: I Wrote These

2008-10-16T18:45:00.014-04:00

I just received my signed copy of Julia Nunes' new CD, I Wrote These. If you aren't familiar with her you probably don't go onto YouTube too often and probably don't play the ukulele. She is closing in on 50,000 subscribers-- get with the program. Julia is a singer/songwriter who plays the guitar, ukulele, and melodica and does both originals and covers. This new album is all her original work because "otherwise the title would be lying".

Ms. Nunes has a raw voice and I mean that in a good way. It isn't overly trained but she is a naturally good singer (both singing the melodies and harmonizing with herself). The rawness in her voice allows her to bring emotion and nuance to her songs which otherwise is missing in a lot of music these days.

As good a singer she is, her biggest strength is in her writing though: both in her lyrics and well constructed melodies. The words and phrasings are clever and you'll be singing along with the songs once you know those words.

In addition to her musical talent, another great advantage Julia Nunes has is she is a real person. You can go on YouTube and watch her videos and you get much more than the music: you get a genuine and fun person. And it isn't just an act as I went to her concert here in NYC a few months ago and she was the same (and was nice enough to hang around after the show and sign autographs and talk... I was meaning to write about that concert but never got around to it, oh well).

You don't have to take my word for it though, go watch the videos for yourself.

On to the new CD, Here's the track list (all the songs that appear on YouTube are linked):

1. Maybe I will (NYC concert)
2. Into the Sunshine
3. First Impressions
4. Binoculars
5. Pen to Paper (NYC concert)
6. Short and Sweet
7. Welcome Vacation
8. You Were
9. Stairwell
10. Regrets
11. Odd
12. Sugar Coats
13. Roles Reversed
14. The Debt

Into the Sunshine makes its fourth appearance (the one YouTube video, two versions on her first CD, and now this one). This is her bread and butter song: its got a great melody and encourages singing along (especially during the 'bah bah bah' parts) and is her most marketable song. She used this to close her show in NYC (not counting the encore). Just before she played it she said she had one song left and someone yelled out "Into the Sunshine" to which she replied, "Well, of course."

Of the 4 versions out there, I don't think any of them really nailed it yet. All three version on the CD use a faster tempo than the YouTube version which I think is good, but the two on the first CD lack any harmonization (all the tracks on the first CD are very minimalist, just her and her guitar) which gives the song an unfinished sound even if it is just because I am used to the original version. The harmonies make a return (albeit in a modified form) in this new version but also added are a bass and drum track. The accompaniment muddles the music a bit and it takes away a bit of the fun, although I do like the harmonies making a return (but I prefer the original harmony lines). So to sum up: use the tempo from the CDs, the harmonization and arrangement from the original YouTube video. Still a catchy tune and obviously one of her favorites.

The only other negative I have about the YouTube songs is in reference to my favorite song, Regrets. It is a similar situation to Into the Sunshine, the new arrangement just doesn't work as much for me. The drum track is again too much, but even more importantly the song lacks some of the personal and emotional resonance the YouTube version has; it comes across as much more of a pop song. I still like it, but I prefer the original video. This is probably due to the fact that I've heard this song a lot and the changes here are very different and might take some getting used to (we'll see how I feel about it after I've heard it more).

All the other songs that were originally on YouTube are improved on this CD, especially Welcome Vacation. It wasn't my favorite of her songs online but this one is much improved. All these tracks stick much closer to the feeling of the videos (i.e. sans drums and bass) but with cleaner instrument lines (no missed chord in First Impressions anymore :) ) and higher quality recordings.

The new songs are all very good even on the first listen with the exception of Sugar Coats. I heard Maybe I Will and Paper and Pen at the NYC concert and both play as well live as on the CD (and the latter even has fun audience participation parts). Binoculars is a light-hearted song about voyeurism and is a fun tune. The Debt is a good tune and uses an interesting drum line, similar to this, that fits the song very well. You Were is my favorite of the new ones, a touching and well written song ("If I were god, I'd destroy all religion/ Abolish all the visions/and leave the world with love"). It is also the only song where the (actual) drums blend seamlessly into the song and adds something positive.

Sugar Coats sounds a bit out of place on this CD, perhaps because it is the only duet and co-written song. The tone is very different than the other songs and the guy who sings with her on the track is very nasal and sounds amateurish compared to Julia. I think the funny thing is Julia always jokes about people thinking she is, or at the very least sounds like, a boy so it might not have been the best idea to do a duet with a guy who sings in a higher register than you :).

Overall, the album is a great one and I'm glad I now have recordings of most of the originals that were on YouTube. This CD just confirms what I already thought, that Julia is best when she is stripped down... umm... that didn't come out quite right. I meant musically she is best when she strips the song to its basics and just lets it stand on its own.

I highly recommend I Wrote These, you should go and buy the CD (and while you are there buy her first album, Left Right Wrong, as well).

P.S. I was sad to see that "super old school Julia" (her song August) didn't make the CD, that along with Regrets are my favorites. I'm glad one of them made it though-- here's hoping it makes on the next album.

And the debates are over

2008-10-15T23:58:00.004-04:00

It was the most interesting debate so far even if a lot of it was rehashed. I'm sure the McCain campaign was very happy the candidates were sitting this time so they wouldn't have to worry about McCain's aimless wandering that took place during the town hall debate. Although John McCain once again starts of a debate telling us someone is in the hospital, I guess at his age hospitals weigh heavily on his mind.

Overall, Obama won this one again making it a clean sweep (and it's not just me saying this nearly ever poll agrees-- CNN and CBS are the only polls I can find up right now).

The questions were varied and actually covered new ground and the moderator did a good job and got the candidates to actually address the questions (well, more so than usual anyway). Most of the answers were still the same old responses we've heard twice before but there was some new stuff that made the 90 minutes at least tolerable.

There were a few good lines during the night. McCain finally had a good line that someone other than himself laughed at (although he still had a few clunkers) when saying "I am not President Bush, If you want to run against president Bush, you should have ran 4 years ago". It was a good line and all the post-debate coverage focused on it however I feel Obama's line in response to McCain quoting ridiculous lines was better: "He must have been watching some ads of Senator McCain".

McCain once again looked angry and barely in control for portions of the debate and Obama kept cool and appeared presidential. Hopefully, the trends in the polls continue and we'll have a new direction to the country in three weeks (OK, the actual new direction wouldn't technically start until January but the hope would be there and isn't Obama all about hope?)

P.S. McCain kept talking about how Palin knows more about autism than most people and I am confused as to why he feels this is true. Last I knew her son had Down Syndrome which is completely independent of autism (you can have one and not the other or you can have both). You'd think he'd know the difference. He also noted that she would defend and help special needs families without mentioning the fact that she cut funding to them before.

Emmy fun

2008-09-25T23:54:00.006-04:00

Personally, I actually enjoyed the Emmys more than usual (which isn't saying too much and some of that enjoyment may have come from the fact I was watching in on my DVR and had more control than usual). Everyone else is talking about how it was the most awful thing ever broadcast on TV. The hosts were pretty bad overall but individually Jeff Propst and Howie Mandel were pretty good, Ryan was serviceable, but Heidi Klum and Tom Bergeron were awful. None of that is shocking at all.

The medley sang by Josh Groban was inexplicably bad, but it was interesting in the same way that you must look at a car accident on the highway as you drive past. The Laugh-In reunion was probably the most embarrassed I've ever been for people on TV. Young people who have never seen the show before will think their parents are insane for ever watching the show because it was that bad. Someone should have mentioned the fact that it was horrible and they could save 7 minutes by not doing that and everyone would be much happier.

The only amusing parts of the night were, not surprisingly, the unscripted parts (and by that I mean the parts not written by the writers at the Emmys, not that they weren't written at all). Don Rickles was funny and old enough that he didn't really care about the crap written for him and went off on his own tangents.

As for the awards, I am very happy that 30 Rock took home a bunch of awards (especially that Alec Baldwin took the best actor in a comedy). I would have liked Hugh Laurie to win best actor in a drama but I always liked Bryan Cranston in Malcom in the Middle so I don't feel too bad. The only awards I was annoyed about were two supporting actor awards. Neil Patrick Harris should have won for best supporting actor in a comedy but instead Jeremy Piven won again (proving once again that once you win an Emmy for a specific character you can keep winning indefinitely as long as you change nothing and keep doing exactly the same thing). Tom Wilkinson won best supporting actor in a miniseries for his portrayal of Ben Franklin in "John Adams" but that was a pretty bad choice-- right miniseries but wrong actor. Stephen Dillane, playing Thomas Jefferson, was the best part of that miniseries by a long shot (yes, better than Paul Giamatti and Laura Linney) and definitely deserved it. That was the only award of the night I cursed when the winner was announced, which was an improvement over most years.

Overall, as far as awards shows go, it was pretty good. I learned always to watch it off the DVR and not live though.

P.S. I hear Ricky Gervais is being pursued as the host of the Oscars. I approve of that choice. he had the only funny bit on the Emmy broadcast and is a damn funny man.

P.P.S. Why does every awards show run long? Do they not rehearse? They always seem surprised when half way through the show they are a half an hour late and have to start cutting bits. Here is some advice: after you write all those god-awful banter bits, and horrible medleys, and embarrassing "reunion" pieces take them all and do a run through of the show, and here is the important part, while timing it. Then compare how long it ran against how much time you have and make edits accordingly. They don't seem to do this ever...

And yet somehow the directors of awards shows on TV keep getting Emmys. If your show ran long you didn't do a good job as a director so you don't deserve the award.

Attempting to motivate

2008-09-12T00:27:00.005-04:00

I am finding very hard to motivate to do anything right now. I have a few things I want to write about but they are all rather lengthy and would require a little discipline to get done which sadly I don't have. Maybe again soon.

On the bright side, I did start studying my memory techniques again. I am hoping to actually compete in the US championships this year like I did three years ago. I should be able to improve on my 10th place finish though especially since I am starting in so early. My goal is to set a couple of American records and maybe win the whole thing. We shall see.

Also, I've purchased Sets 1-3 of the Woody Allen collection and have been watching those. So far watched Annie Hall, Sleeper, and Bananas. You can't really go wrong with classic Woody. The only question I always have while watching one of his films is how the hell did he get all those beautiful girls... I guess, to paraphrase another comic legend, "it's good to be the director... and writer". I've got 15 more to go though so I'll always have something to watch while I am procrastinating and not doing anything.

America's Got Even More Crap

2008-08-28T00:15:00.002-04:00

I just watched the first semi-final of America's Got Talent (I don't know why... it was on my DVR so I figured I should). While watching it three words came to mind: awful, awful, awful. From start to finish.

The judges loved them all though, but that just goes to show how smart they are. Of course, I'll let them speak for themselves. David Hasselhoff had the gem of the night with this line: "You're as American as the Olympics". Brilliant David (surprisingly the Olympics and AGT happen to be on the same station... I'm shocked they didn't start selling the Michael Phelps DVD although he did get a mention later on the show).

Piers came in close second when telling Neal E. Boyd, the opera singer (who can't tell the difference between show tunes and opera), that "only in America" could someone who works in a job like an insurance salesman come into a talent show and sing like him. Piers forgets Britain's Got Talent (on which he is also a judge) where Paul Potts, a phone salesman, not only came in and sang better but won the whole competition. Maybe he meant that only in America someone can sing a show tune in an operatic style and in the process make both sound stupid.

They need to change the title to "America's Got a Modicum of Talent But Is Nearly All Crap" (or AGAMOTBINAC for short).

Olympics Coverage

2008-08-14T17:14:00.004-04:00

I've been spending essentially every free minute of my time watching the Olympics recently which goes to explain my lack of posting. So here is a post about the Olympics

I'm glad Michael Phelps got his 8 golds but I am also glad he is finished for a few reasons. First, so that NBC will just stop saying his name. And two, Most of his races were boring to watch because he was just so much better than everyone else (the two big exceptions being the 4X100 freestyle relay and the 100M butterfly which were two of the most exciting moments so far).
In keeping with the media saturation this bullet will also be about Mr. Phelps. Yes, Michael Phelps is great swimmer, probably the best ever. But he isn't a good interview so I don't know why NBC insists on repeatedly having extended interviews with him, and his coach, and his mom. How about showing some other sports NBC, huh? No, you'd rather spend another 40 minutes talking to Michale Phelps's dry cleaner... ok.
In the rare cases NBC shows a sport that isn't all that popular in the US you know the US is going to win (because why else would they show it?) Women's rowing eights on tape in prime time... hmm... I wonder if we are going to win this. Thankfully though, NBC has a ton of other channels showing Olympic coverage so if you want drama watch the sports on those channels.
The Chinese gymnasts aren't over 16 (and won't be by the end of the year). They are clearly cheating and I think the IOC is ignoring the issue until after the games are over. Once they are out of China and the repressive government, I think they may investigate a bit more (or at least I hope they do as there is plenty of evidence out there)
Some of the gymnastic judging has seem suspect at times but it is nothing compared to how bad the boxing judging has been. There are five judges and they have two buttons in front of them, one for each fighter, and three of them have to register a scoring punch within one second of each other for the punch to count. It is at least open scoring (i.e. you know the score during the fight and so do the fighters and the audience, as there booing and cheering attest to) but that doesn't change the fact that the judges miss a lot of scoring punches and sometimes even score phantom blows (maybe they hit the wrong button who knows). But because it is so hard to score a point, whenever someone takes a lead into the last round all they do is run away and hold. It is not boxing at all really... it is more like a game of tag with headgear.
I love the super slow motion replay, the expressions the athletes make and the way their flesh bounces around, it always makes me laugh. It goes to show that even incredible physical specimens can still look ridiculous when photographing them at a hundred frames a second.

Even with the sometimes annoying coverage by NBC and the judging controversy, I am still enjoying the Olympics as I always do... otherwise I'd feel bad about watching so much of it.

Last Last Comic Standing

2008-08-05T00:08:00.003-04:00

The summer reality shows are winding down and that means the scripted part of the TV year (i.e. the good part of the TV year) is starting up again soon. That and the hockey and football season... good times.

Last Comic Standing had their last performance show this past week. It was thankfully much better than last year's show, both the comedians and the filler. We only got two acts other than the comedians: a painfully unfunny intro song from The Dan Band and a thankfully brief stand-up from host Bill Bellamy.

The show instead filled time this year by having all the comedians from last week perform and only tell them afterward whether they were in the top 5 (they also did little profiles of each comedian before their set but since I DVRed the show I was able to skip right over those. I don't want to bias my opinion with their back stories). It is rather harsh for those who didn't make it but at least they get to perform one more time in front of millions (and try to prove America wrong after the fact).

The contestants got a gift from the producers and got their sets extended to 5 minutes (or the equivalent of what a neophyte comedian would get at a minimum in any club).

Let's get to the comedians:

Marcus: Apparently, he is too important to have a surname. You win one challenge on LCS and all of a sudden you are just Marcus, huh? A lot of his jokes weren't very original and often setups just to do impressions. If you like Dane Cook, you'd like Marcus. His style is very similar, although Marcus has got a bit more talent as he is a good impressionist. Even still, I wasn't impressed but America loves Dane Cook so who knows...
Ron G: Big energy, lots of character work, but not a great set (although I did enjoy the LA church bit of a guy getting baptised with a bluetooth headset). Doesn't really matter as he didn't make the top 5 anyway.
Jim Tavare: His usual weird self and thankfully America liked him last week as well and he was in the top 5. I just enjoy watching him and what I said last week still holds: original, clever, deadpan, and English. He had a couple of groaners but even when he has a miss he is still interesting.
Louis Ramey: Looking sharp and, as always, very funny. He started off a little slow but built as he went along and ended very strongly. I'm sure he is used to doing a longer set than 5 minutes so his last joke took a while to setup but it was still worth it. Of course, he was in the Top 5.
Adam Hunter: His set is extremely scattershot and he jumps topics all over the place. He just went too quickly, barely even pausing between jokes. It was hard to recognize the punchlines because he sped right passed them not even giving the audience a chance to laugh. The crowd, however, really enjoyed him and were upset when it was announced he wasn't in the top 5.
Jeff Dye: He grew on me this week; I liked him better than last week (maybe it was because he did 3 minutes on the board game Guess Who? because I used to play that all the time). He was funny but I still don't get a lot of depth from his persona. He made it in the top 5.
Sean Cullen: He was not as strong as last time, but his personality is still winning. Some jokes he did I've heard similar ones before but they weren't bad. I got the impression his heart wasn't in his performance... maybe he knew he wouldn't be in the top 5 (which he wasn't).
Iliza Shlesinger: She also, like Sean, was not as good as last show although she kept her high energy and her pacing. She really played to the younger people in the audience, both in the theatre and watching TV, by doing an extended bit on drinking games (I haven't looked at the ratings for LCS but I would imagine it skews young and as such it may have been a good tactic on her part). Of course, the drinking game section wasn't very strong. The crowd was really behind her at the beginning but she seemed to lose the energy by the end. For those that can count, she was obviously in the top 5.

Since this is my blog, I am going to decide the winner and rank all the comedians... I can do that. I have that power here. So your final LCS ranking is:

Louis Ramey
Jim Tavere
Jeff Dye
Iliza Shlesinger
Marcus
Sean Cullen
Adam Hunter
Ron G

It would seem given my ranking America made the correct choice of the top 5. It was a pretty good season for Last Comic Standing (last years winner would rank #9 on the above list).

Now bring on the scripted shows, and the Rangers, and the Giants...

Poetry Night III

2008-08-02T00:35:00.002-04:00

It has been a while, but poetry night is back. I'm sure everyone has been praying that this come back, so here it is.

Apparently, I wasn't accurate in my first poetry night post as I said that was the oldest poem I had written but I was wrong. I don't know why I said that because I had the following one then. This one dates a full year earlier than the first, all the way to 9th grade English class. (I know I have two older poems somewhere-- one titled "Unlucky Day" from that same year and one from 6th grade when I wrote a poem about the Norman Invasion of England... yes, I was a weird kid).

This one is untitled.


He looked for a place to escape or somewhere to run
But, alas, to his dismay he found there was none
Even so, he waited for a chance to flee
for if he did not escape, he knew he would be
dead in a moment, killed by the madman's knife
Although the outcome looked bleak, he prayed for his life

The guards pushed him forward into a small cramped room
the approaching footsteps sounded impending doom
his future killer stood near him with a dagger at the ready
he tried to fight or to struggle but the guards held him steady
The assassin grinned evilly as the knife began to rise
he could do nothing but stand there with tears in his eyes

the dagger flashed down and cracked into his spine...
The next day there was a special, fresh hamburger meat $2.29

A scathing look at the meat industry, isn't it? It was written from a cow's point of view going to the slaughter. Now I am not a vegetarian but one of my friends at the time was. I remember have a discussion about eating meat and other related things and it inspired me to write the preceding poem (that and the assignment that was given in class-- inspiration combined with a deadline is the situation under which I can create the most).

Mr. S, my English teacher that year, was a bit of a douche. First of all, when reading this poem to the class he totally blew the last line. Obviously, the poem is written in rhyming couplets, and as such the end of last line should be read as "fresh hamburger meat two twenty nine". He instead read it as "fresh hamburger meat two dollars and twenty nine cents". Any English teacher worth his salt should have realized that reading the line like that would kill both the rhyme scheme and the meter (as loose as the meter was... his version still just sounds stupid).

Of course, that just goes to show he was an idiot, not a douche. But he also was a douche-- he would insert smug statements in the middle of class for no reason (e.g. "Oh, I live in a much richer neighborhood than any of you" which even if true, and that is debatable, is still a pathetic thing to claim over the students in your class). He also would make fun of the students, and as usual I was one of the few who would stand up to him. I told him to shut up once while he was insulting me-- apparently, he thought it was OK to make fun of his students and not for them to fight back in any way.

You may just say that I was a stupid kid and he probably wasn't that bad. But even the other teachers agreed. My friend (the one who inspired the poem) and I were in the teacher's office area talking to our senior year teacher when Mr. S came over and said something stupid that I don't remember. As soon as he walked away our much cooler teacher said, "He is such a prick."

OK, so I wrote more about my 9th grade English teacher than the poem, but I think that was much more interesting anyway (plus, I pretty much said everything there is about the poem....).

America's Got Crap

2008-07-29T22:32:00.003-04:00

Why do I continue to watch America's Got Talent? It is pretty much the worst show on TV right now.

They really play to the lowest common denominator. Every aspect is just so dumb. First and most obvious, the judges are annoyingly stupid. It is rather odd to have a show dedicated to finding talent and then stock the judges table with the most untalented people imaginable. Everyone who shows marginal talented is described by the judges as either what America is all about or the show or both.

Just as bad is the audience. I really hope that they are instructed to be annoying by the producers and aren't naturally that rude and impatient. It is hard to know for sure.

Both the judges and the audience suffer from the America's Funniest Home Videos syndrome-- kids, old people, and animals get a free pass. Apparently, if the title of the show has the possessive form of our country's name, it is going to pander and pander hard.

You don't even have to watch the performances on the show to know if they advance (although, you have to watch to know if they are even marginally good since a lot of crap gets let through do to both the aforementioned AFHV syndrome and the fact that they let "interesting" acts through to add variety and torture us again in the later rounds). If the music they play of the intro is touching or happy, they are moving on (even if they try to add the drama of having one judge say 'no' , you know the last one is saying yes when the treacly music kicks in). If the music is weird, they are going to be horrible.

Usually, in reality shows, seeing people embarrass themselves is fun; schadenfreude in its fullest flower. Somehow the producers of this show screw that up and it is just frustrating to see them parade the shrill and the tone deaf, the deluded and the moronic. AGT also has the highest commercial to content ratio I've ever seen (and I use the term content loosely).

The only good thing about all this is I can watch an episode in about seven minutes... so it saves me some time. It allows me to both watch it and write out this complaint about it in less time than the episode was scheduled for. Now that is efficiency.

Playmates and Performances (of a comedy nature)

2008-07-24T22:34:00.003-04:00

Last Comic Standing had their last show before the final with the self-proclaimed shocking turn of events that had all the comedians competing for a spot in the final.

All except for Marcus who won the pretty across the board awful challenge: Creating a bedtime story for some playmates. Unfortunately, the playmates were playing with slightly less than a full deck and didn't quite get some of the stories. Not that any were particularly good, but they did pick the one story that wasn't a story but a trailer of sorts.

Anyway, the better portion of the show was the second hour when all the contestants performed. Unfortunately, they were all saddled with a mere 3 minutes of stage time. Having done plenty of stand-up, I can attest that 3 minutes is a ridiculously short time to show your stuff. But the network has to have a commercial break after every comedian so less time for the actual contestant.

To the comedians:

Adam Hunter- Pack your bags, dude. Not did he have to perform first, but he wasn't very memorable. The ending of his set was a bit awkward. I'd give him a 'meh' at best (but would still take him over last years winner)
Iliza Shlesinger- She has a good pace to her set; she talks fast (which is vital to getting a lot of material into 3 minutes). I thought she had good material as well and a decent presence.
Sean Cullen- He is a very strange man, both his humor and mannerisms are quite unique. I appreciate originality and enjoy watching him perform. I also really like that he incorporates songs into his sets (but doesn't exclusively sing). 3 minutes is quite crippling for him because the song takes up 80% of his time (and you can't just sing faster). I enjoyed it, but will the rest of the audience.
Jim Tavare- Original, clever, deadpan, and English... which means he is probably not going to make the final. This show has never been kind to the non-US comedians even when they are better than the others and I don't think it is going to change here. Anyone who uses a cello on stage gets my vote (well, my metaphoric vote... I'll watch the show but won't demean myself by voting). I have him as second best of the night but I don't decide.
Jeff Dye- I don't know why but I don't like him that much. He has good material but he seems very bland on stage. He isn't very memorable. Plus, he kept telling the audience to wait when they started to laugh at his jokes as if correcting them because they weren't laughing at the right time. Here's a tip: when the audience is laughing and enjoying your jokes, don't tell them to stop. It's bad form.
Ron G- He was a ball of energy (some of which probably came from being nervous). I've never been a huge fan of his and this set didn't really change that. He was OK.
Louis Ramey- I've been a fan of his from way before this show started and so I was not surprised that he had the strongest set. They had the veteran performer closing the show and that was a wise choice. He is extremely comfortable on stage, has great material, and is just naturally funny. Best of the night by a pretty wide margin.

(I'm guessing the running order was not randomly chosen: the worst (or inexperienced) at the beginning, the best at the end, and the very weird in the middle.)

I'm not exactly sure how many people actually get through to the finals. Louis Ramey was the best and should definitely be in the final. I'd put Jim and Iliza in the next tier so if three people move on that's be my choice. I'm guessing the voters would pick also pick Louis. As for the other two, I think they'll go with Jeff and either Ron or Iliza.

At least the field of performers have improved from last year. I'd prefer anyone in this crop to those from last year. So I won't be too annoyed no matter who wins (though Louis definitely should).

(Random aside: For some stupid reason they kept cutting to some stoic guy in the audience. It was very annoying as the people around him were laughing but he never was and yet they kept showing him)

WALL-E

2008-07-21T02:03:00.001-04:00

Wall-E was the best movie I've seen in a long, long time. Not only that, but it is one of the best movies I've ever seen (I'd put it in my top five). If you haven't yet had the pleasure of seeing it, I suggest you do. Wall-E is the only movie I've ever seen that I was still thinking about weeks later. I saw the movie over too weeks ago and will periodically find myself thinking of a scene from the movie or singing the numbers from 'Hello, Dolly'. It is nothing short of magical-- the characters, the styling, the emotion. Simply amazing.

It is a movie that works in so many different ways: as a love story, a sci-film, a moralistic tale, and many more. Each operates simultaneously and also seperately. It is a movie you can watch over and over and enjoy a different aspect. It is a nod to the past and a look to the future. The movie is essentially divided into three parts that cover loneliness, love, and redemption respectively (and each of those parts operate on many levels as well).

The plot is nothing Earth shattering in its originality, but the journey is. In the end, I cared more about the robots in this movie than just about any human character in any other movie. The emotion that the filmakers could generate from simple physicality, beautiful visuals, and music is incredible. This is why Pixar is the best movie studio these days. They care about so much more than the cheap joke, or dumbing down the movie for the kids, or making the movies that will make the most money-- they want to tell a great story with great characters and they hope the money will follow.

Pixar tries to raise the bar everytime they create a new film and do something orignal and exciting, whereas the other studios (ahem Dreamworks and Fox Studios) just use the cookie cutters. Just compare Toy Story 2 to Shrek 2 and you'll get the picture-- Toy Story was an incredible groundbreaking film and it was improved upon in nearly every fashion in the sequel. Pixar didn't just make a sequel to make more money, they only did once they had a story that warranted another movie. Shrek was a very funny movie and Shrek 2 was essentially the same movie. And such it was much less enjoyable the second time around. Then the dreck that was Shrek 3 came out and it just goes to show that every one invlovled is focused on making money (lets tell the same story with the same characters). It is good to see some people focus on the quality of a movie over the quantity of money it will produce.

The only reason the top ten computer animated films aren't all Pixar films is because they haven't yet made 10 films. They'll own the chart come next year.

Primed to be back

2008-07-18T00:43:00.003-04:00

I think after nearly ten months of rest, reflection, and pondering the mysteries of life I am ready to write in here again (and, of course, by rest, reflection, and pondering the mysteries of life I actually mean sloth, day-dreaming, and watching TV).

I'm another year older today, and that is as good a time as any to have another go at this. Perhaps I'll be more mature and committed to writing in here.

So... 29 years old. I don't know how I feel about that. There is the spectre of the big three-oh looming large. But I am still not there yet; I have a whole year until I wave bye-bye to my twenties. It is time to live it up... they say life ends as 30, don't they?

While I may not be "perfect" anymore, I am "prime"d to make this year a good one... because I'm not getting any younger (and the math jokes aren't getting any funnier).

[Perhaps the blogger site is trying to tell me something, the server is down. The one time I try to post in nearly a year and I can't. I will persevere! Never shall I give up! Never shall I abandon... oh, there it is. It's back. My perseverance paid off-- let that be a lesson to everyone else.]

I find your lack of humor disturbing

2007-09-24T17:50:00.001-04:00

I was looking forward to the Family Guy Star Wars special. I like both Family Guy and Star Wars and one would think the combination would be enjoyable. It was not. How could a combination that had so much potential end up being a boring mess?

I think the main problem was that the parody of Star Wars forced the Family Guy team to follow a plot. This is definitely not their strong suit even when the story is already written for them. It undercuts the only way that they generate laughs-- the complete non-sequitor. Chaining them to an actual plot led them, for the most part, to obvious old jokes (we know that the parsec is a unit of distance not of time but how is it funny pointing that out?) and that and a few groaners (that foul stench isn't Governor Tarkin, it's a "Darth doody"? Really?).

I watched the episode last night and can only come up with about 5 funny lines/scenes (the best of which was probably the "request" of the next song in the cantina scene and the Red team check-in before the Death Star attack). That just isn't enough to sustain a one hour parody. The Start Wars Universe is rife for parody but I think they shackled themselves with the faithful retelling of only episode IV rather than allowing themselves to make fun of the entire mythos.

I would go back and watch it again and write in more detail, but two things are keeping me from doing that: (1) after watching it, I promptly deleted it from my DVR, and (2) even if I hadn't deleted it, I wouldn't want to watch it again.

Robot Chicken did their Star Wars special a few months back and packed more than twice as many laughs in half the amount of time (for all you math wizards out there, that is more than 4 times the laugh density). They were wise enough to do what Family Guy should have done and stayed with the random, disjointed scenes rather than a retelling.

This is Family Guy's most desperate hour. Help them, manatees, You're their only hope.

Hickory has a new winner

2007-09-24T17:49:00.000-04:00

Jon Reep took home the title of Last Comic Standing. As one could guess from my previous posts, I didn't really care whether Jon or Lavell won. Even though I don't think either of them really deserved to win, I think that Jon winning was the right choice. At least he was getting stronger as the competition went on whereas Lavell started strong and rapidly faded down the stretch (insert obvious out of shape joke here). I still think Gerry Dee deserved to win but there is really nothing I can do about it.

The one good thing about watching Last Comic Standing and other reality competition finales is it makes me feel like I am speeding up time and getting more accomplished than I really am. I watched the 2 hour finale of LCS in about 25 minutes. My DVR thankfully allowed me to skip the near half and hour of commercials and over an hour of filler (that is inserted to build up the "suspense" of who wins.) They really don't even have to tell you that it is the finale-- people can figure it out from the endless parade of pointless performances, background information, and self-promotion. The producers of reality competitions should follow the wisdom of the immortal words of Monty Python when scheduling their finale: "Get on with it!".

Would they both please sit down?

2007-09-13T00:24:00.000-04:00

So tonight Jon Reep and Lavell Crawford battled it out for the Last Comic Standing title. And no matter who wins, it is the wrong person. John Reep has been one of the worst in the finals and should have been sent home a long time ago. Lavell Crawford was impressive in the initial round and the first round of the finals, but since then has been unintelligible and unfunny.

Gerry Dee was by far the best comedian the past three weeks and yet he got voted out. He deserved to win which could be why he was so broken up when he didn't advance. I guess the way to win is to play to the least common denominator, the way the two finalists do.

Neither of the two finalists improved their lots tonight with their time tonight though. They must have gotten together before hand and agreed to not have any punchlines in their set as they both try to out setup each other.

Jon Reep did his whole set on his dad snoring in a storytelling style but has neither the charisma nor the punchlines to pull it off. The set started off with, "So who knows someone who snores really loud?" and I started shaking my head seeing exactly where it was going. Jon Reep's dad snores loudly, he often falls asleep on the couch watching TV and snores intermittently and in amusing ways, he once snored loudly in church and pretended it wasn't him. If you found that last sentence funny then you might have really enjoyed the set.

Lavell counters with another bit about being at the fast food restaurant and bad customer service.. You see Lavell is fat so when the fast food employee asks him if the gigantic 25-piece chicken meal he just ordered is eat in or to go it's supposed to be funny. This is of course ignoring the fact that the employee is just working off a script and would ask me that question if I ordered it (which at least would have the surreal juxtaposition of the enormous meal against my rather low BMI frame). The customer service bit was that the people on line don't speak English that well (but given the accent that Lavell uses to imitate the worker, we must be calling different lines. I usually get a "British" person whereas he gets someone from Nigeria). But at least Lavell thinks he is funny as he was laughing very hard at his jokes throughout.

I think (or at least hope) part of the problem is the horrible way NBC setup the show. They have given the comics the same 5 minutes to perform the whole finals round and tonight was no different. I fail to see why they didn't give the comedians 10 or 15 minutes to show off. That might sounds counterintuitive since I just talked about how I didn't like the sets and yet I am asking for more. I do for two reasons. One is that I am sure that the comedians are used to doing sets that run longer than 5 minutes and as such are out of their comfort zone (they can't do jokes that run too long or are setup by other jokes because they don't have the time). Secondly, the show is supposed to be the big final competition between these two, deserved or not, and so the show should focus on them. I want a larger sample size of their stand-up to decide who should win.

But instead of giving the time to the comedians that America has asked to see more of, NBC decided to pack the show with three outside pointless comedians: Kathleen Madigan was pretty funny (the best of the night bar-none) but Gilbert Gottfried (with a circa 1999 set heavy with Calista Flockhart jokes) and Greg Proops (bad Obama-Clinton political commentary) were awful. What was the point of their performances? Filler. Maybe NBC didn't have confidence in the finalists either.

I may not actually vote in the competition (that way I can still feel superior-- yeah, I watch reality shows, but I don't actually vote... that's just sad) but I reserve the right to complain about it... It is my right as a belligerent fuck.

Superman Returns

2007-09-08T01:15:00.000-04:00

Wow. If you've never seen Superman Returns, stop now, run, and make a note to never see that steaming pile of crap ever. And I thought Superman IV was bad.

This film takes itself way too seriously which is hard to do given the subject matter. There is no humor in the movie at all, they went fully for drama but fall flat on their face. Their is inherently no drama in the character of Superman. Instead of focusing on the action and humor side of things they try pathos. Not an easy task given an stoic invincible alien as a main character.

The plot boils down to this: Superman returns from space, Lex Luthor goes to Superman's Fortress of solitude and steals some crystals and knowledge of how to use them, he then steals some kryptonite, throws the kryptonite and crystals into the ocean and builds an kryptonite/crystal island slowly, fails to kill Superman when any moron could have, Superman throws island into space slowly. The End. I just saved you two and a half hours of your life.

Sure other pointless things happen-- albeit very slowly. The only action in the movies, aside from the slow scene of superman throwing the island into space slowly and then slowly falling back to the earth (which strangely results in a large impact crater even though he is only 225 pounds), revolves around plot points invented to fill time and to get Superman to do something. It happens in the same way as in a lot of other sci-fi movies, Armageddon springs to mind, where bad things happen for absolutely no reason (or even worse against logic). A Space Shuttle malfunctions slowly and drags a plane along with it slowly, a robbery happens slowly, the Daily Prophet globe falls slowly: all as a pretext so we can see Superman do something. This is a necessity since during the other over two hours nothing happens: no action, no plot, no character development (you know exactly who everyone is within 10 seconds of their appearance). This all leads to no fun.

You may have noticed the repetition of the word 'slow' in the above paragraphs. This is done on purpose as even when things happen they take in some weird relativistic space-- time slows down for the viewer. That's some good direction there, "Something is happening so lets slow everything down as to suck all excitement out of it. I don't want anything to get in the way of the pathos."

There are too many stupid things in the movie to list out so I will refrain, as you should refrain from watching it.

Look, up in the sky. It's a bird. It's a plane. It's a steaming pile of crap!

n.b. A quick check on IMDb gives the following bit of trivia: "Brandon Routh, Kate Bosworth and Kevin Spacey signed on without having read the script"... that explains a bit of it.

The Third Law

2007-09-05T00:47:00.000-04:00


The storm rages around me
lightning streaks the gloomy sky
The hail batters my body
I believe I am to die

Twisters tear my home asunder
whilst lava sets it ablaze
a quake knocks me to my back
its power does scare and amaze

Desperate to save my little life
I think of a cunning scheme
I yell to the storm, "I love you"
and it flees with a frightened scream.

Cover me

2007-09-05T00:34:00.000-04:00

"$10. Just to step in the door; to get into a place I know I won't enjoy.

I met my friend and the entrance and we push through the crowd to the back of the bar, after first getting a round, and descend the stairs to bowels of the place, down to the dance level. We are assaulted by the heat as we enter in addition to the music, which is deafening. Walking back to our area in the corner is enough to bring a sheen of sweat. There is nothing else that can reach the ears while the pounding strains of some indistinguishable dance track thunders through the room.

$2 per minutes so far.

We head over to where our group is and sit. We attempt a conversation but it quickly becomes a game of "what tag" and we both give up for a time. Our drinks at least provide something to do: pick up the glass, take a sip, hold the liquid in your mouth and savor the flavor with a pensive look, swallow, and return the glass to the table. Repeat whenever the uncomfortable feeling of doing nothing necessitates some motion.

$1 per minute.

The bodies on the dance floor gyrate in ritual of horniness and youth. The desperation hangs thick in the air and the throbbing bass from the speakers sends the tendril-like fog of it swirling towards the alert predators. You can see them watching from the wings, waiting to strike when they see a weak or wanting prey. A lone woman dancing is alone for but a second before the hounds swarm. An obviously hammered and horny woman has more options than she knows what to do with... or perhaps she is a resourceful one and knows what to do. I laugh but it is consumed by the pounding rhythms and goes unheard.

$.50 per minute.

The DJ, in his booth, looks on smugly, as if he is a man among boys. He controls the crowd, or so he thinks. Instead he is trapped in a booth whilst others grind with the women on the floor. He dictates the sounds from his Apple laptop but misses out on any action. The only person sadder than him is his assistant who bops his head to the beat and stare out of the booth with a very creepy look, like an old man looking a little too long and little too intently on a much too young woman. He at least seems content to dance and leer by himself.

$.25 per minute.

My friend gets dragged up to dance although he obviously doesn't want to. It is the birthday of the girl dragging him up so courtesy dictates he at least half-ass a little dance. He isn't drunk enough to do it wholeheartedly and so it mostly consists of head bobs and the occasional shuffle. His unease at least entertains me a bit and I am thankful that I don't know the birthday girl enough for her to drag me up as well. He, of course, keeps his drink in his hand so that he can periodically stop dancing to take a swig. That reminds me that I still have my drink to pass the time: sip, hold, swallow, repeat.

$.10 per minute.

Finally, a few people from the group leave. They have broken the ice-- it is now acceptable to move on to another place. You never want to be the first to go, but once another has made the move it is open season. My friend and I agree we should find a new place. After a few minutes convincing the birthday girl we climb out of the dungeon and exit the bar into the real world again. The night air feels good, although my ears strain to hear the sounds of the city. Onward to new and better bars.

Just over two hours. So it only cost me about 8 cents per uncomfortable minute."

I was very tempted to go home shortly after I got there. I am, however, glad I did not. Not that any fun was had at that first place. Thankfully, we went to much more low-key Irish bar. A place where conversation is not only possible but expected. We met up with a new group of people which improved things as well.

What I thought was going to be an early night turned into a surreal night full of stories and in-jokes. A night which included, but was not limited to: ridiculous multi pronged biological analogies, Chinese government adaptability, extended pussyfooting, Bactrian Camels, street voyeurism, jumper cables, a hubcap, a steel
bladder, a man blending into a bathroom door, a vibrating couch, a philosophizing waiter, and very (and I do mean very) opaque yogurt.

It was one of the rare times I made a wise decision when faced with the "should I stay or should I go" dilemma, which I have often. This was the first time in a while that I didn't regret my decision shortly afterwards. Perhaps I've had enough experience making the wrong decision that I've learned.

Real Winners

2007-08-23T00:26:00.000-04:00

Surprisingly, America actually picked the correct winners of the latest two reality shows:

On 'On The Lot' Will took home the top prize and now has a deal with Dreamworks to direct a movie. I was scared that somehow Jason might win the show because for some reason people seemed to like his movies. He was my least favorite person on that show and yet he stuck around. Thankfully, the best man won. (If you have no idea what this show is/was, that is OK. Apparently, looking at the ratings, I was among only 7 people who watched the show).

Also, the Ventriloquist won and deserved it. I never thought I'd say a sentence like that. But He was far and away the best person on America's Got Talent (and I said he was the best act back on June 27th here).

On another reality front, Last Comic Standing has their top 5 perform. I think Gerry Dee has the best set, with Amy Schumer next, then Ralph Harris. Lavell Crawford had a weak set and I was a bit surprised by that (I think he is safe as he has been very strong the rest of the way). But, totally expected, John Reep failed to impress again. I'd guess he is the one going home.

Having said all that, I can't wait for the real TV season to start again... so tired of reality competitions. Please, give me a scripted show!

Quick Hits

2007-08-03T00:20:00.001-04:00

After downing two sodas and a glass of water, I had to pee. I went down to the restaurant's bathroom to do just that. The bathroom was so small I had a hard time fitting in (and while I've gained a couple of pounds recently-- now tipping the scales at a relative hefty 153-- I am not large at all). As I was going about my business, something landed on the back of my neck and I reacted with one of those full body spasms, which normally isn't that bad but while one is peeing it is best not to do that. Needless to say, I wasn't able to "stay within the lines" and, since the bathroom was so small, managed to hit three walls in a beautiful arc of urine. The mosquito that landed on my was humongous so I don't feel bad about the freak out. Plus I did get a good laugh out of it-- timing is everything in comedy and that mosquito is a natural.

I was on the 6 train on the way home from the above restaurant. Across from me sat a man reading a book. He was falling asleep doing the classic head bob and was out in a few seconds. But amazingly the book stayed in the exact same position-- all the time as his head sunk lower and lower. A woman standing next to him thought this was hilarious and pointed it out to her traveling companions (I must admit it was pretty funny). The best part was when she said, in a reverent tone, "He's got the perfect hold, doesn't he?" as if holding a book perfectly still while sleeping was one of her life goals and she was jealous that he had done it before her.

When the train stopped he jerked awake (although again amazingly his hands and the book never moved at all) and proceeded to attempt to continue reading where he left off. As soon as the train started moving he was out again. His head bobbed up and down but his book never wavered an inch the entire time... its the pointless things that impress me.

The woman from the last story, after standing for a few stops, moved towards a newly vacated seat. The person that was sitting there, not noticing that someone was moving towards the empty seat, did the natural spread out maneuver so as to not be squished when not necessary. She did not appreciate the move and yelled, "Mexican, move over!" at the man sitting there. The Mexican obliged with contemptuous glare and the woman collapsed in the seat while complaining about her hard day and how Mexicans shouldn't be stealing her seat. Where has common courtesy gone? She really should have said, "Mexican, move over please."

I found a roach in my apartment, that greatest of all "Welcome to New York"s. I grabbed the nearest spray bottled and attacked-- Lemon Pledge did nothing to it. I took another and tried again. The roach went insane, spasming and flopping around, and died in about 4 seconds. I looked in my hand-- Simply Green. Yes, the cleaner that is "non-toxic, biodegradable, environmentally safer" and "safer around your children and your pets" totally fucks up the only animal that can survive a nuclear blast.

Set course for terror... Engage!

2007-08-01T00:29:00.001-04:00

I had a nightmare the other night for the first time in a very, very long time. I can't even remember the last time I had one before this last one, but I was probably in Elementary school.

I don't often remember my dreams. Sometimes I'll go months without recalling any of them and even when I do remember the dreams it is only a few major points and a detail or two. And it was like that for this latest one as well.

The dream started with me in jail and the story up to then was told in flashbacks (like I was in a movie or something). The flashbacks are a little blurry but in them I saw a female friend of mine murder two people (I'm not sure who the friend was but, as often happens in my dreams, I knew it was a friend but I couldn't really see her. Also I have no idea who she killed or why.).

But I was the one in jail and not this person-- although it was for some other crime and I was pretty sure related to the murders. Regardless, I was in jail. This is where the nightmare part comes in-- I knew I could turn this other person in but it wouldn't improve my situation any. I was overcome with a complete helplessness and despair the likes of which I have never felt before. It was almost suffocating.

This is also the point I should have realized it was a dream. One of the prison guards was Geordi La Forge, in full Starfleet uniform and sporting the visor. It is rather hilarious and if I were better at lucid dreaming would have figured out at this point that I probably wasn't in jail and didn't need to feel so depressed. But it didn't even register with the dream me.

When I woke up, it took a long time to realize what reality was. The negative feelings hung on for a while and thankfully when I went back to sleep it was dreamless. I wonder how this dream would be interpreted; I am sure jail and depression are covered but I doubt there is a standard interpretation for 24th century Starfleet Lieutenants that are Chief Engineers for the flagship of the Federation.

George Washington Carver didn't find that usage

2007-07-27T00:10:00.000-04:00

This is amazing... too amazing for words:

The complete lack of understanding displayed in this video is staggering. Back in Kindergarten I knew more science than the so called experts in this scathing criticism of evolution.

Apparently primordial Earth was a cosmic peanut butter sandwich that sat at room temperature after being vacusealed and pasteurized. It is natural to compare the complex beginning of life to mass produced food-- I see the connection.

The opinions in that video are so astoundingly ignorant that it is hard to make fun of them because they are already hilarious on their own (also see below).

It is time the creationists moved on from the supermarket. It isn't doing them (or Kirk Cameron) any good:

Harry Potter and the End of a Series

2007-07-21T22:42:00.000-04:00

Like millions of other people, I was waiting in line at a book store last night. I didn't reserve a copy so I had to wait a little longer than I should have but I got my book at a little after 1am. I went home and read for a few hours, went to sleep, woke up and continued reading until I finished.

I thought it was a bit slow to get going, although it was still interesting, but the second half of the book was very good. A fulfilling end to the series. I'm not going to go into any details yet, as I don't want to be a spoiler (Someone in the book store nearly got a beating from a lot of angry people as after she bought the book sat down at the side of the store flipped to the last chapter and announced to her friends sitting near her, in a voice much louder than necessary, a rather important detail-- I was pissed, not because she told me anything I didn't know, but that she was that rude to do that. I walked away to the far corner of the store before she let slip anything I didn't already know).

It'll be interesting to see what J.K. turns to now that the Harry Potter series is over. She better get writing soon as the money she made of this series won't last forever.

Back from vacation

2007-07-19T00:09:00.000-04:00

Sorry for the lack of posts over the past couple of weeks but I have been away on vacation. I should have mentioned that before I left because I'm sure there were a bunch of you anxiously waiting for my next post and were disappointed day after day. But do not fear, as I am back and the posts will resume. Time to rejoice.

A cube no longer, but now I am perfect.

2007-07-19T00:00:00.001-04:00

Happy Birthday to me! (Well, actually as I type this my birthday has passed but whatever)

So I am no longer a cubic age. But 28 is even better! It is both a triangular number (a number found by adding consecutive numbers) and, much more rare, a perfect number (a number that is the sum of its factors). You'll be perfect at most twice in your life-- at 6 and 28 (unless you are Methuselah, then you'd hit 496). I had better take advantage of this perfect year as 30 is looming pretty closely... and then it is all downhill from there.

Just put your stick on the puck...

2007-07-03T01:33:00.001-04:00

The next hockey season is a long way away but July 1st always kicks of a flurry of action as it is the start of the free agency period. My New York Rangers made a big splash signing two of the biggest players-- Scott Gomez and Chris Drury.

I'm happy with both those signings. I think Gomez is a great playmaker and will do a great job with Jagr on his wing (then again, I could do a great job with Jagr on my wing). He always was a pain in the ass when the Devils played the Rangers in the past and I hope that continues now that he is wearing the red, white, and blue jersey (a new jersey if you will... yay! bad puns!). That is what makes the signing of Gomez better-- not just that we are getting a great player but that Scott's defection from the Devils cripples a division rival.

Chris Drury is Mr. Clutch and there is no one better to have out on the ice when the game is on the line. He is a very good player and will be a benefit to the Rangers. I would have preferred the Rangers re-signing Nylander and adding Gomez rather than Gomez and Drury though. It would have saved us over $2 million a year in cap space and would have been a smaller transition in personnel. But since that ship has sailed (Nylander's ship going down to Washington), there is nothing I can do. I think Drury will do well but won't be worth the $2 million premium.

The Rangers, however, are still stronger today than they were a few days ago and it should be an exciting season. I'm guessing the Rangers win the Atlantic division with the Penguins close behind, followed by a large gap. Philly will just get into the playoffs, the Islanders will be a few spots out and the Devils will finally plummet. They will be this year as the Flyers were last year, bringing up the rear of the Eastern Conference. Brodeur is getting to old to carry that team anymore.

My guess on the end of season stat line for the two newest Rangers:
Gomez 77-26-66-92 +25
Drury 80-32-38-70 +9

I will miss Nylander as he was one of my favorite players. He was always dedicated and gave it his all even if his style was sometimes maddening. He landed in a good spot and should enjoy have Ovechkin on his wing. Good luck Swedish Gretzky.

As much as I don't like the Ranges letting Nylander go, it was just plain stupid letting Jed Ortmeyer walk. He might not have been the best offensive player but he was a defensive stalwart and a heart and soul player. Even though he wasn't setting the score sheet on fire, he set personal records for points in a greatly curtailed season. He battled back from a life threatening condition and still played with reckless abandon. No one puts his body on the line to block a shot like Ortmeyer. He could never finish a breakaway but it was always good to see him get one. Hollweg or Orr should have been shown the door instead of him, but he never complained about the situation. Nashville is getting a heck of a guy. Good luck future Lady Bing winner.

The Rangers need to go out and sign their remaining RFAs-- the King needs a long term contract. The next few days will still hold a number of interesting stories but after that there is a long, warm night until the ice comes back. Is it September yet? Let's go Rangers.

Poetry Night II

2007-07-03T00:43:00.000-04:00

Tonight features the first poem I wrote at college. While I was at school, poetry became the creative outlet of the time, just like comedy is now. I went through a brief period of writing music but that took way too much time and I had little of that to spare while in college. So I'd get the occasional inspiration and write it out in verse:

Change

In the beginning
it was as it was
but it changed
as everything does
but why does it
change as it does

Now, it is
as it always was
and always will be
just because
that is how it is
why, just because

It will be
as it is and as it was
it changes but
we don't know the cause
it continues anyway
and continues without pause

The stanzas represent the past, present, and the future-- each embodied by the first line ( "In the beginning", "Now, it is", and "It will be"). Time changes just like everything else but, even as it gives the impression of change, it remains the same as each time period keeps the same rhyme scheme. The poem moves forward and gives both hints of the new and the old.

I wrote this shortly after arriving at college as I was barraged with a myriad changes in my life, just like everyone is when they have freedom thrust upon them. I was in a new place with new people dealing with new things. I had a new relationship and new classes with new challenges. But the new place turned out to be similar in many ways to places I've been, and the people reminded me of others I've known. I took the same lackadaisical approach to classes and studying that I always had in high school and it worked for me in college just as it once did (although I did work harder, I did in no way work as hard as I could).

While at first glance the poem is somewhat paradoxical, it is my verbose way of saying "the more things change the more they stay the same". Even with everything that changed around me, I was the same person. And as I took a closer look at everything that I thought was different, the surface discrepancies seemed to melt away and left an air of familiarity to them; a very general deja vu. It was all different and yet all the same. This theme, and variations of it, would appear in a number of my poems as it is a deep well from which to draw.

One skip ahead of my doom

2007-06-29T01:38:00.000-04:00

One day in 11th grade English, a bunch of friends and I decided to give each other nicknames (and when I say nicknames, it is loosely, as they were more like pseudonyms). Why we did this, I don't remember the reason. It could be that there was a substitute that day. It could be. perhaps, that we were bored and did what we may. But I think the most likely reason of all may have been that we were geeks. The ones I remember are:

David Phezzic Marselle: This one was mine. A few people thought I had a sense of humor similar to David Letterman, hence the David. "The Princess Bride" was, and still is, my favorite movie and I took the name of the "hippopotamic land mass". I thought it funny that I, a "five foot nothing, a hundred and nothing" kid, would choose the colossus' name as part of my pseudonym. Plus, I didn't think I was cool enough to pull off Westley or the Dread Pirate Roberts. (And yes, I realize that the character is spelled Fezzik in the movie but I thought the 'Ph' and 'c' were cooler... see the aforementioned geek comment). The surname comes from the name of Ross' monkey on "Friends" (yes, again, I know the spelling is different, but it is a homophone so leave me alone-- I like the look of my version better as it seems more like a surname than Marcel). For some reason, I was a big fan of Marcel. A big enough fan to take the name of a monkey as the most important part of my fictional name. Lieben meine affe-monkey!

I had always thought this would be a good nom de plume, so if I ever do write a novel it may very well be published under the name David P. Marselle. Keep an eye out for it.

Patty the Monkey: The astute "Friends" fan doesn't need any help on this one. In the episode where Mr. Heckles, the downstairs neighbor of Monica and Rachel, ends up with Marcel, he dresses him up in a dress and calls him "Patty the monkey". I wasn't the only person who had a weird obsession with Marcel; she even took his short lived cross-dressing name which was a more dedicated obsession than mine.

Wesley Trevor Harrison: I don't really remember why he chose, or was given, Wesley and Trevor. I think he just liked the sounds of the name. The last name was a homage to one of the two presidents we had with that name. I'm not sure if it was for William Henry, "the Pneumatic one-month wonder", or Benjamin, "The Other One". I'm pretty sure it was for the former, but it has been over ten years (so excuse me if I am a little foggy). He reads the blog so maybe he can comment and shed some more light on this one.

Gail Hortense Spadowksi: She cheated a bit and already had been given this pseudonym by a boyfriend. Naturally, I have no idea into the etymology of it... but the fact that he came up with it does give some insight into why that relationship was short lived.

Humperdink Tiddlywink: Another "Princess Bride" homage followed by a rhyming nonsense word (yes, I know it is a game but one that no one in my generation ever played it so for all intents and purposes it was nonsense to us). Of all the nicknames giving out that day, this one fit the person the most: crazy, entertaining, fun, and poetic.

Gary Indiana: I came up with this gem. I thought he looked like a Gary and thanks to my mom whenever I hear that name the homonymous song from the Music Man starts playing in my head. Now I have never seen the Music Man or even heard the whole song, just the refrain. My mom (and if any of my mom's brothers and sisters were around) would sing just the lines "Gary, Indiana" over and over. She'd never move on to another part of the song, I'm not even sure if they knew the rest of the song, she'd just repeat that line. It was one of the songs my mother would sing that my siblings and I would, on occasion, beg her to stop. Once I thought he looked like a Gary my Pavlovian response kicked in and I suggested this name and it was accepted by the crowd (I know why I suggested it but I don't know why they accepted it, because without the back story it is just stupid... maybe the Music Man was more popular than I thought).

Mark My Words: Another one I came up with. He looked like a Mark to me. So I just suggested this clichéd expression. Wasn't I clever? Yes, I was.

There might have been a few more, but those have long ago disappeared in the ether from my memory. Perhaps some of my classmates remember the couple I have forgotten. The funny thing is we spent the whole class coming up with these stupid names and never really used them. It is only due to my freakish memory when it comes to completely trivial things that I remember these at all. This could lead one to ask, why bother posting about names that were invented and ignored in the span of 44 minutes and haven't been used in over 10 years? It is stuff that in my brain so I might as well use it for something and I find it interesting... and don't you ever question David P. Marselle again.

We got served... some tea and crumpets

2007-06-27T01:20:00.000-04:00

I've been watching America's Got Talent and I'm embarrassed. First, because I am watching it at all, that is indeed embarrassing. But even worse than that is we are putting forward a pretty sad group of talent. So far the best act has been a singing ventriloquist. It could only get worse if we got a world class mime (although they are probably waiting for France's Got Talent). We've also got people on stilts, a Boy Shakira, and a number of middling singers. Here you are America, your best and brightest.

We may have beaten Britain in the Revolution but they are kicking our ass when it comes to talent. We have more that five times the people in America than in the UK but less talent (not only in raw talent are we losing, the talent per capita is hugely in there favor-- and you thought it was sad to read the education statistics). Take away Paul Potts and Connie Talbot (who both put the US singers so far to shame) and the Brits are still winning.

What makes matters even worse is the best judge is British-- not only do they have the better talent, they have the better critics as well. David Hasselhoff needs to look up the word 'hyperbole' so he'll stop thinking every mediocre act in the world is the second coming. Sharon has us wishing for the halcyon days of Brandy as the female representation at the judges table. Piers is honest and, while it may appear abrasive and mean you've got to remember that (a) he is British and (b) he was a judge on the British version so he's seen a lot better and now has had to suffer through the same thing us viewers have, so his attitude is understandable.

While I am on the judges, they need to add a little variation to there stock phrases. They like to say that "you are what this show is all about" to about half the acts. Look, it can't be all about 34 very different acts. Yes, we realize that Americans are suckers for kids, old people, and animals (just go back and watch any episode of America's Funniest Home Videos) but it can't be all about all the people all the time (but it can be all about some of the people all of the time, and all about all the people some of the time or so Abraham Lincoln thought).

Also, when someone brings David a dictionary to look up 'hyperbole' they can also bring a thesaurus so the judges can use a phrase other than '100% yes' (aside from the occasional and impossible '1,000% yes'). How about an 'emphatic yes', or a 'wholehearted yes', or an 'unequivocal yes' just to list a few. You don't need to dumb it down for the audience (although those education statistics are still depressing)... but then again, the judges may just be speaking at their usual New York Post level... except of course the Brit.

Poetry Night

2007-06-26T01:50:00.000-04:00

I'm going to posts old poems that I've written weekly. I have a number I've written so I might as well use them for some fun purpose. In order to make it a bit more interesting, I'll give the back story to them.

The first one I'll post is the oldest one I have a copy of (although I've got a ton of old notebooks, folders, and Trapper Keepers from my middle and high school career at my parent's house so there may be some older ones I am unaware I have a copy of). This one comes from all the way back in 1995, when I was in 10th grade:


Hell

The hordes march slowly toward it,
         a place feared by many
How any ordinary building can be
         so feared is uncanny

But of course, 'tis not the building
         they really fear
but the monsters that lurk inside
         that they must revere

They are herded through the doors
         and down the hall
pushed towards their cells with no hope
         for escape at all

You, spirit broken, just give in
         and follow the masses
The bell rings, and all the kids
         head for their classes

I've never been one who liked authority and this clever little poem was my 15 year old way of fighting the power. Yes, I was quite the rebel back then.

Although its message still rings true to how students are treated as cattle or prisoners that are at the whim of their captors. And in the end most students do just give in and trod along through school as mindless zombies. I'm sure I noticed the irony of someone who refuses to give in to authority writing about how everyone gives up in the end, and I'm sure I thought myself extremely clever.

The poem in its original form had an additional line at the end of, "It's Hell!!!". I added that in because, at the time, I thought the symbolism and imagery of the preceding four stanzas were just too subtle. However, as I matured I realized that was a bit much and made an artistic decision to excise that line. It is pretty much on the same scale as George Lucas going back and messing with the original Star Wars. Pretty much.

Also, part of the reason the title of this poem was particularly relevant in my 10th grade English class was because of the teacher, let's call her Mrs. T (to protect her anonymity, even though she is probably dead by now). Her classroom was a bit like hell... not because she was a bad teacher, or mean, or abusive. No, it was because she smelled horrible. Really. It is hard to describe it-- it was B.O. and yet so much more. It wasn't one of those odors you got used to after a while either; it was omnipresent. There was no escape. Particularly bad was the times we would be writing in class and she would come around and check up on you by leaning over your desk in such an odd was as to strategically position her armpit near your cowering nose. It seemed a strange way to stand and it left me to wonder if she did it intentionally.

We could always tell when Mrs. T was out sick. If we were walking down the English hallway to our classroom and we didn't smell her, we knew we had a substitute. I'm serious-- it sounds unbelievable but it's true. We had a 100% success rate using that method. Maybe that'll give you reading this a sense of the olfactory hell we went through.

Of course, there were some urban legends that went around about Mrs. T. There was a rumor that for Christmas one year one of her classes got her a present of soaps, deodorants, etc. and that she left the room crying. There was also the rumor that she smelled that way because she slept with the body of her dead husband. I know, it is horribly mean, but we were high schoolers, what do you want?

And thus is the story behind "Hell".

Procrastination Perpetuation

2007-06-24T01:19:00.000-04:00

I just purchased Civilization 4 yesterday. It's a great game of course and somewhat familiar as I've played the three previous versions. I'm not exactly sure why I bought it other than I had some free time and I know I'd enjoy playing it.

Of course, one of the main reasons not to by it is that I have some free time and I know I'd enjoy playing it. Civilization is the type of game you settle down to play for a while at night before you go to bed and then watch the sunrise. You find yourself saying, "I just need to conquer the Romans then build the Great Pyramids and then I'll go to bed". And it is the only context I know where you can say Mahatma Gandhi is being a prick and not get dirty looks.

If I add up all the time I've spent playing the various incarnations of the Civilization games, it would probably be enough to write a novel, or a symphony, or cure some disease. Think of all the wondrous things people could have done if they had spent their time on more noble pursuits. Just think about it... while I go and attack Louis the XIV and build Stonehenge.

Sid Meier is the devil.

Revisiting an old essay

2007-06-20T23:19:00.000-04:00

I was rather annoyed by the latest veto by President Bush (see previous post for more on that) so I decided to go back and look at an essay I wrote following the last presidential election. After reading it, I thought why not post it here. So I will:

Reaction to the Election and the Current Condition of the United States of America:

What follows are my opinions about the current state of America. I am neither a Democrat nor a Republican. I am not a Christian, or Jew, or Muslim. For the following, I am only a concerned citizen and was inspired to write this after seeing the results of the election. I cannot sit idly by while I see events transpiring of which I do not approve. To wit, I choose to us the pen, electronic though it may be, to express and disseminate my thoughts on the subject.

I do not expect that everyone that reads the following will agree with everything contained therein. I do, however, ask that you will grant me the right to my opinions as I would surely grant you yours. It is only through honest discourse that we can hope to understand each other and so I have endeavored to provide just that.

November 3, 2004

I have never been more ashamed to be an American. There were times in the past I have not been proud, but they were few and fleeting. But I have never experienced something like this, never a deep and utter disconnection with this country. It is a feeling entirely new to me and one I hope can be healed in time.

When George W. Bush won four years ago, it was acceptable; it was excusable. Back then he was at least a candidate who was not entirely known to the American people. A modicum of faith in him that he could lead the country to a better time was an understandable opinion, even if it was not a universal one. Many people knew of his name only through his father, who was president for a single term before being voted out. We could have looked at his father's record and thought of the younger Bush, "He may run our economy into the ground, run up a huge deficit, and get involved in a land war in Asia". But what was the chance of those things happening again? He was not my candidate of choice back in 2000 but I did not hold any animosity towards him for I did not have the foresight to know what I do now.

Fast forward four years to the election that took place last night. It was surreal. I could not comprehend what I was witnessing. The red spreading across the maps looked like the blood of this nation flowing from a great gash in her heart. The single vote I cast could not hold back that torrent. I could do nothing but watch in horror and bitter disappointment; George W. Bush will be in the White House again.

But in the end, it is not Bush in whom I am disappointed. It is not possible to be disappointed in someone when you have no expectations. Any expectations of him being a true leader had long ago evaporated away. No, I reserve that feeling for the American people. I blame them because I thought they would be wise enough to choose correctly and right the wrong they made last election. I thought for sure the people would come together and ask for a change. I had faith in my fellow man and he stabbed me in the back.

Although voter turnout was at it highest level in nearly forty years, apathy was, ironically, at its highest level ever. A majority of voters turned a blind eye to what has been happening these past four years. They did not care about the hundreds or Americans who died fighting our president's war. They did not care for all those who have lost their jobs. They did not care that prejudice and hatred are becoming more rampant and more acceptable. They did not care that the Earth that sustains them lies dying at their feet. And most importantly, they did not care about the ideals for which America stands.

The war in Iraq rages on with no end in sight with more and more people dying nearly every day. Why President Bush started this war is still shrouded in mystery. The administration originally claimed it was to remove weapons of mass destruction from the clutches of a tyrant. When those were found to be non-existent, the primary reason became to remove Saddam Hussein from power and in the process cripple a strong ally of Al-Qaeda. When that connection was found to be tenuous at best, the impetus again shifted, this time to bring freedom to the people of Iraq.

I will ignore for the time being that Bush obviously lied to the people of the United States, hoping that we were either too stupid or too scared to notice those lies. He thought that we did not need or deserve to know the truth as to why we fight and die. Instead he left us to guess the reason for ourselves: Was it to avenge the ills Saddam caused his father? Was it for the oil? Was it to increase the coffers of his friends? Your guess is as good as mine.

I will instead focus on what has become the ultimate justification of the war, the ultimate justification for the time being anyway. Bush now claims that the reason why many Americans are risking their lives is to bring freedom to Iraq. Could he have come up with a more ludicrous lie? He might as well claim that he fights to bring peace or that he kills to bring life. One cannot bring freedom to a nation by occupying it and forcing freedom down its throat. The only thing that will succeed in doing is choking the fledgling country and in turn will cause it to reject that which you wanted to give. A democracy forged in this way, from without rather than within, cannot survive; lasting freedom cannot be attained in this manner and it is the height of hypocrisy to even try.

Every person on this earth has the right to be free. We have liberties here in this country that most other people can only experience in their dreams. Unfortunately, we most often take these for granted but there are times that it hits us how fortunate we really are. I would love for everyone in the world to be able to have what I have. In order for a people to be truly free, however, they must want to be free. They must be willing to risk everything for it; they must as one rise up and demand it. From the crucible of this fight for freedom comes a unity of purpose that can sustain a nation.

The situation in Iraq is the exact opposite. The people are not demanding that they be given freedom we are instead demanding they take it. They do not want their liberty this way and the more we try to force it upon them the more they will resist and fight back. We see this growing resistance everyday in grisly scenes from the frontline of the war. Do you think if England just granted us independence without a fight that we would be the country we are today, or that we would be a country today at all?

The hypocrisy of the war is joined by another as egregious. Bush browbeats the people of Iraq to take the freedom he offers as he tries to deny the citizens of his own country the same. He claims to stand for freedom for everyone in the world while simultaneously trying to push all the gay Americans back into the closet and all the heathens down into hell.

Bush wants to write bigotry back into the Constitution. As if the stains of the "3/5 of all other persons" and the absence of equal rights in the original were not bad enough, he now wants to wipe his ass on our founding document and add another stain; this one of religious righteousness. At least those former travesties were corrected; corrected, but not erased. And it is better that the memories linger, rather than be abolished, so that we can learn from the mistakes of our past. We should realize that every time we try and add prejudice to the supreme law of this land that our children or our children's children will certainly not only fix that error but will also look back and judge us harshly as a result.

We declared our independence so that we could all enjoy "Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness". If one gay person's happiness comes from putting a ring on the finger of another and declaring their undying love for them in front of their friends and family, who am I, or anyone, to tell them they cannot enjoy that which straight America considers a personal right? If two adults want to become one-- emotionally and physically-- where could I, or anyone, possible assume the authority to tell them no?

If the president wants to protect the sanctity of marriage maybe he should investigate why nearly half of marriages end in divorce in this country. I find it a larger scar on the face of marriage that so many people take their vows so lightly as to discard them like a used tissue than two men or two women trying to declare their deep and undeniable love for each other. We can learn from those that strive for their right to a marriage, for when you have to fight for something, it becomes more important than if it is yours be assumption. I doubt that the gay couples that were fortunate enough to get married will rend their union as easily and wantonly as the rest of America.

The president looks to his religion to be the guiding light in his life, and it is his right to do so. If he wants to pray for strength and wisdom, or tithe to his church, or read the bible, he is free to do just that. But as soon as he makes his church’s doctrine into the law, it is sin, a crime against the United States. He is taking away every American’s right to choose their own creed. It should offend every citizen and Christians doubly so, as he is preying on your sympathy as a religious peer to manipulate and use you.

Bush’s actions are in direct violation of the Constitution, the document he swore to preserve, protect, and defend when he took the oath of office. An oath he obviously deems to be trumped by his church’s law. This is ironic, since when he made the aforementioned promise his hand was resting upon the bible. So in breaking this oath, it was not only a blasphemy against the most sacred document of this country but also against the most sacred document of his religion.

Bush wants everyone in America to pray to the God he prays to, to worship the God he worships, and to believe only what his God wants us to believe. If you are not a Christian now, you will be. You are becoming one by proxy; you are being baptized by legislation and confirmed by your vote to keep this man in the position as reverend for the country.

Many people came to this country seeking a religious safe harbor. They came to escape the prejudice and persecution of their homeland and to be free to pray to Jesus, Allah, Yahweh, or one of a million other deities in the heavens. Where can we sail to now to find that same religious freedom?

In an ironic display of sanctimony, Bush fights against countries that have fanatical religious leaders forcing the populous to submit to their demands while he turns this country into one that has a fanatical religious leader forcing the populous to submit to him and his cronies. The difference is that he believes himself to be a warrior for Jesus Christ and they claim to be the same for Allah. He prophesizes that God will lead us to victory as his enemies echo the sentiment on behave of their followers. How long will it take him to learn he is fighting his reflection? How long will it take the people of this country?

Winston Churchill once said "All men make mistakes, but only wise men learn from them". Since our president seems incapable of admitting that he is fallible, one cannot help but think that he is neither wise nor has he learned anything from his first term as president. If this is indeed the case, it does not augur well for what is to come. The difference this time is that the president no longer has to concern himself with re-election. There is nothing left to temper his actions, as bad as the last term has been, the next one has all the signs of being worse. We are being lead to a future that is dark and perilous not only for America but for the world as well.

President Bush does not lead by persuasion, or charisma, or intelligence. He leads by intimidation and fear and lays these on thick in the stead of anything redeeming. He is the Wizard of Oz; a charlatan who impresses with smoke and fire and attempts to make you afraid in order to distract you from what is actually transpiring. In reality behind the curtain of those conspicuous displays of power and misdirection stands a man of hypocrisy: saying one thing and doing another, claiming to believe in something and striving to bring about the opposite.

The people of America have again foolishly put their future in the hands of a man who has already proven he cannot be trusted with that honor. I had hoped in the end that right would conquer wrong, good would vanquish evil, but it did not happen. I have been taught that that is the way it should be; that is the way it must be. It is clichéd but I believed it. Clichés are so commonplace because they all hold in them a core of truth. "Look before you leap", that is just sound advice. That advice, however, was ignored and as a country we clenched our eyes shut and took a giant leap of faith. As a result of this action we are going to plummet, far and fast, and I fear where we will land.

This is not one of those events that in a few years I will be able to look back on and laugh. No, I will look back and cry: cry for the brave people that will die trying to bring freedom to a country that does not want to be free, for the people that will experience state sanctioned prejudice, for the millions of families who will suffer through economic hardships, for the shell that mother earth will be after she is stripped and raped of all that she has to offer. Most tragically, I will weep for the loss of what our founding fathers, all of them, fought and died for: the ideal that was America

Veto Corleone

2007-06-20T23:03:00.000-04:00

The Godfather of our country once again vetoed a bill to expand stem cell research and funding. He did so to prevent us from crossing a "moral line". It is amazing President Bush can see that particular moral line through the maze of other lines he has already crossed: torture, wire tapping, holding prisoners indefinitely with no charges, no bid contracts for his cronies' companies, etc. etc ad nauseam. Yes, good call Mr. Bush. It is much more moral just throw the embryos in the trash, which is what is being done, than to use them for medical research. Way to protect life and stay on the right side of that moral line.

Bush wants more "ethically responsible" research. What can be more ethical than putting to use something that would have discarded anyway? It is a good thing that someone with no scientific expertise, or training, or even understanding is recommending to scientists the research avenues they should pursue. Is it too much to ask for the president to defer to not only the vast majority of scientists but the majority of Americans on this issue? Hell, Is it too much to ask for a president who would pass a 9th grade Biology class?

The president said, "Destroying human life in the hopes of saving human life is not ethical." While I would agree with this statement in a more general context, it is just ludicrous here. First, The microscopic collection of cells we are dealing with here doesn't qualify as human life. Even more important, and even though I've mentioned it already it deserves repeating, the embryos are being destroyed anyway! Even if I concede the point that the embryos are human life for the sake of argument, it is still more ethical to use them for research than to use them as landfill fodder. For if it not ethical to destroy human life in the hopes of saving human life, it is just abhorrent and evil to destroy human life for no reason when it held the promise of a better future for millions of people.

And God spake all these words from his Hummer, saying...

2007-06-20T01:17:00.000-04:00

The Vatican released the Drivers' Ten Commandments today. I guess they figured after the incredible success of the first list of commandments, a sequel was necessary. And so, a few millennia later we get this long (very long) awaited follow-up to the basis of all morality in the history of the world. Let's examine:

Drivers' Ten Commandments

1. You shall not kill

It seems that god's ego has dipped a bit since the original list as the first one isn't all about him. Nope, we get a classic in a new position. Take it Casey: Moving up from the number 5 spot to the top of the list is the remake of the old classic 'Thou shalt not kill' with a more modern lexicon.

2. The road shall be for you a means of communion between people and not of mortal harm.

a.k.a. You shall not kill. We are only on the second one and it is already repetitive. You know you don't have to make a list of ten just because the first was that length. Brevity is the soul of wit (I worked in a reference to the soul just as the Vatican worked in a subtle reference to a blessed sacrament... The road shall be for you a means of Matrimony between people. No? How about: Baptism between people? Anointing of the Sick between people? ... )

3. Courtesy, uprightness and prudence will help you deal with unforeseen events.

... in bed. I've read this one before-- Following a meal of sesame chicken, it came in a cookie. Apparently, The Vatican has had enough of commandments and now looks to Confucius for some advice. Seriously, you don't have to have 10.

4. Be charitable and help your neighbor in need, especially victims of accidents.

And thus continues god's obsession with your neighbor. God forbid (literally) if you help someone who doesn't live near you. Especially since in this context you will be driving all over the place, what are the odds you'll see a neighbor in need out there?

5. Cars shall not be for you an expression of power and domination, and an occasion of sin.

Of course not! Cars aren't an expression of power and domination... they are an expression of penis size. So it has always been and always will be. Cars are an expression of penis size, and an occasion of sin (if you are lucky).

6. Charitably convince the young and not so young not to drive when they are not in a fitting condition to do so.

Perhaps when you write the commandments in Italian (or Latin or Hebrew or Aramaic or in tongues) you shouldn't just run them through Babelfish to get the English version. Although how cool of an option would that be: English to tongues.

7. Support the families of accident victims.

Yeah, we really, really want 10 of these so instead of just tack this one on the end of #4 where it belongs we'll just make another one. Almost there! We just need to think of three more...

8. Bring guilty motorists and their victims together, at the appropriate time, so that they can undergo the liberating experience of forgiveness.

Welcome to the Jerry Springer Show...

9. On the road, protect the more vulnerable party.

Animals on the road are the most vulnerable party. Oh how the priorities of the Catholic church has changed. Screw grandma in her Mini, Watch out for that squirrel!

10. Feel responsible toward others.

Yes, I often feel responsible when the douche in front of me doesn't signal and cuts me off. You're right, it's my fault. I should go self-flagellate.

Well, there you have it, another masterpiece in morality. Come back in another few thousand years when we'll get "The Ten Commandments 3: At World's End". Read about it in Revelation.

That's more like it

2007-06-18T01:09:00.000-04:00

I was walking down 20th St the other day and witnessed something I am very surprised doesn't happen much more often. A woman was hit by one of the myriad bike delivery people. I didn't actually see the actual meeting of bike and flesh but was alerted to the incident by a loud squeak of surprise and pain coming from the woman.

When I looked at the accident, she was seated on the ground with a not-so-happy expression on her face. Her boyfriend and the rider both helped her up and she brushed herself off. The couple started crossing the street and the delivery man started away. I was surprised and disappointed at the civility of all parties involved.

But that all changed when she had made it about halfway across the street-- I saw her epiphany like a bolt of lightning. Thankfully (to me anyway), this wasn't over yet. She turned and yelled back at the rider, "Fucking asshole!" That's right. Be true to who you are, baby. You're a New Yorker.

I had to stifle a laugh as I walked past them.

Regrets, I've had a few...

2007-06-18T00:48:00.000-04:00

I don't trust anyone who says they have no regrets in life. To me this means either they haven't really examined their life and their choices or they are lying. The former is willfully ignorant and the latter is, well, a liar. We all have them and all have to deal with them, whether or not we want to admit it to ourselves or to others.

Regrets usually come in one of two very basic flavors:

I didn't do X but I should have
I did X but I shouldn't have

The vast majority of my regrets are of the first variety and unfortunately I think that it is the worse category. It essentially means that you didn't take a risk-- you wanted to do but you couldn't bring yourself to do it out of fear or doubt. It is the coward's regret. Granted, the regrets of type 2 can be incredibly short lived as you are much more likely to die a quick and spectacular death if you choose to take a stupid risk (especially if alcohol or some other drug is involved). But at least you go out in a blaze of glory that way.

I recently took care of one of my type 1 regrets. It turned out exactly as I expected... and exactly the opposite of how I hoped. Reality has a way of getting in the way of things all too often. Ironically, the resolution of my type 1 regret has formed a new type 2 regret. But at least it isn't a coward's regret anymore, it is a hero's regret... and while that makes it sound better, it doesn't make it feel any better.

In the beginning...

2007-06-18T00:37:00.000-04:00

I've been thinking of starting a blog for a long time and I finally have given in and done it. I need something to motivate myself to write and a blog is a good tool. There is nothing more motivating than angry blog readers yelling at you for not updating in a long time (assuming I'll have some readers who would care).

I don't see this being a log of my life because, I'll admit, it'd be boring. Sure, they'll be stuff about me but I am not going to give a effective re-enactment via text of my day. Instead, I see it being a creative outlet for me. Being a man of many facets I would expect my posts here to cover a lot of different topics. I hope this blog will put a song in your heart, a spring in your step, a tear in your eye, and ants in your pants (I think that sentence sums up pretty well what I am going after).

You'll see two contributors to this blog but they are both me. One is my comedy self and the posts that are meant to be in that realm will be posted under that one. The other is just plain old me and will be focused on more personal matters: both about me specifically and about people in general. You are all smart people so I'll leave you to figure out which is which.

Enjoy!